


What We Love

by HopeNotSeen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo is a nerd: confirmed, Eventual Romance, F/M, Finn’s a Big Deal now, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghosts, Force Visions, Force lore expanded, Gen, I want to tag certain exciting characters but I don't want to give away surprises, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi/Sith temples, Kylo Ren Redemption, Leia Organa Lives, Leia shows her motherly side, Multiple Pov, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Prequel tie-ins, Rey and Rose are besties, Rey makes real mistakes because she's human, Slow Burn, Star Wars Expanded Universe References, Star Wars Rebels tie-ins, Stormtrooper Rebellion, The Force Ships It, after 8 Episodes we've earned some feels, lots of tropes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-05-27 01:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeNotSeen/pseuds/HopeNotSeen
Summary: “Attacking First Order supplies is the right direction,” Finn said. “But we must be more unconventional.” All eyes shot to him. He stood and strode down one of the aisles to the middle of the gathering.“They will be expecting us to attack their ship factories, their farms, or their weapons suppliers. But there is one resource that they are even more dependent on than any of those things. One resource that would completely finish the First Order if they lost it.”“What is it? What are we not seeing?” Poe asked, sitting up straighter.Finn turned to look at him.“Stormtroopers.”Poe frowned and raked a hand through his hair. “That would be the First Order’s most important resource. But I thought we were talking about methods other than conventional warfare. I’d love to do major damage to their manpower, but we have no hope to accomplish that right now.”“No,” Finn interrupted, pacing now through the center of the gathering. “But I’m not talking about killing Stormtroopers. I’m talking about liberating them.”





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a post-TLJ canon compliant story that gives my version of how Episode IX could go. It's not really a prediction because I'm very indulgent with my favorite themes and characters. I draw on the EU, Prequels, and Star Wars animation for plot ideas and worldbuilding. Right now there are 30 chapters planned, but it may grow. Updates every other week. Enjoy!
> 
> Find me on Twitter: @HopeEternal8

Victory.

Stormtroopers lined up on the salty Craitian plain. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren took his place at the head of the formation.

Something pricked at the edge of his consciousness as he passed through the massive bunker doors, but he ignored it. There were more pressing things that needed his attention.

But the Force would not be ignored, even by the Supreme Leader. It whispered to him to search the little room to the left of the hangar. Troopers moved to flank him as he stepped toward the door, but he lifted his hand in a gesture to desist. Properly trained, they planted themselves at the entrance. He entered alone.

Light streamed into the room from the large windows along one wall, beams illuminating dust motes fluttering to the ground. A heavy blanket of dust lay on the dilapidated chairs and desks scattered about the room. One chair was overturned as if its last occupant had left in a hurry. Before that chair, on the ground, lay something that sung to Kylo in the Force.

He stooped to pick it up. Recognition lit his face, then puzzlement, then grief.

The Force was not done with him yet. The Force bond opened. He looked up and found Rey’s eyes turning to him. Her expression was implacable and her mouth drew a hard line. Kylo found he could not rise, not under that gaze. The Force bond snapped shut and he flinched.

Kylo returned his eyes to the golden dice in his hand. He swallowed. Suddenly he was no longer looking at the dice, but through them. He was looking at a memory of the boy he had been.

   
 

 

 

Trapped. Ben was trapped, and he knew it. But he would die before he let anyone else know it.

“What possessed you to think that you could endanger the life of your friend that way? You almost got him _killed,_ Ben. That was so foolish!”

Embarrassment rose to match the red creeping over his face from the neck up until it reached even the tips of his ears.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“No. It was not my fault. I told him not to follow me, but he didn’t listen.” He held up this stark lie like a shield, cowering behind it.

“You know that’s not true. I know that’s not true.” His mother sighed. “And now you’re going to have to face the consequences.”

At that, his ears perked up. His shield wavered. The mask of self-assurance covering his teenage vulnerability did as well.

“I’ll comm Luke in the morning,” Leia said. Her voice was sad. Guilty, even. “You know I didn’t want to do this, Ben. But it’s for the best. I don’t know what else I can do at this point.”

“Don’t pretend you’re doing this because you care about me!” he shouted, spinning away from his mother and retreating to his room, slamming the door shut. But not before he saw her flinch away from his words, looking frailer than he had ever seen her.

Once comfortably alone, Ben assessed the situation. His shield, though it had wavered, was still intact. That was a good thing, a thing to which he would cling.

“You’re okay,” he told himself out loud, scrubbing a hand through his hair. But the words were empty. A cold conviction was sliding over him and embedding itself in his heart, one which would be as easy to halt or deny as the moon rising over Chandrila.

Though his shield was intact, he was losing everything.

 

 

Back on Crait, the man that had become Kylo Ren clenched his violent fist in reflex. But it was not enough to prevent his father’s dice from disappearing from his hand.

Like the girl.

 

…

 

 

Salt.

Sweat.

Blood.

These were the things that grounded Rey to the present as she fired up the Falcon, ready to carry what was left of the Resistance away from the crippling defeat on Crait.

Rey wanted to think about the numbers, how it could be that so few survived the cruelty of the First Order. But this wasn’t the time for that. Instead she gripped the flight controls tighter and felt the gritty salt deposits on her hands scratch against the metal.

She licked her lips and found salt there too. That’s odd. But there’s salt everywhere on this planet. She must be covered in it. Or was it from…

For a moment she was standing again on the _Supremacy,_ salty tears streaming down her face as she realized Ben wasn’t going to come with her.

_“Please.”_

Was that her voice or his that sounded so small?

Rey ripped her mind away back to the present. The salt didn’t work, so she tried to think about the sweat.

She was disgusting. In fact, sweat was literally dripping down from the strands of hair around her face that had escaped her tie. _I’m from Jakku. How could I be so sweaty on a planet like Crait? Being offplanet has really softened me,_ she thought grimly. But the rational part of her mind pointed out that she had been fighting for her life, and for the lives of her friends, for the last 12 hours. That’s bound to make someone a little sweaty.

Of course, she had fought for her life many times on Jakku, but she had never before had any friends to worry about.

_Focus, Rey._

She forced herself to focus on the wet substance slipping into her left eye and making it difficult to see the controls she was punching to take them into hyperspace. She tried to clear the annoying substance with a dismissive brush of her arm, but then she realized it was blood.

 _“Kriff,_ when did I start bleeding?” she said out loud.

Somehow saying that out loud grounded her to the present more than anything else she had tried.

“And when did I start talking out loud to myself?” she muttered. She felt suddenly as if she could laugh; the kind of crazed laugh that one gets when there’s a thin line between laughing and bursting into tears.

She flipped the last few switches as the Falcon completed the calculations for a jump, and then they launched into the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic! Let’s have some fun with this! :) I'm happy to receive constructive feedback from other writers and happy to hear reactions from all! <3


	2. Which Gives Me So Much Grief

 

_3 months after the Battle of Crait._

 

“Rey. _Rey!”_

Rey jumped from her trance when Finn’s hand touched her shoulder.

“We’re going into town now. Are you sure you don’t want to come along?”

Rey shook her head. She was sitting outside the Falcon in a clearing surrounded by trees, just staring off into the distance, lost in thought. Now Finn swam into her field of vision. He kneeled down in front of her, his brows drawn, his eyes concerned.

“Are you sure? It might be nice for you to get out a little. Being cramped on the Falcon for so long is driving everyone a little crazy.”

Rey shrugged and offered up a weak smile. “I’m fine. The fresh air is good. Chewie mentioned some repairs that need done and I’d just be bored if I went along.”

Finn considered her for a moment and then gave in. “All right, but we’ll have Beebee-Ate stay with you. He’s in the Falcon if you need him. Keep your comlink close.”

He stood up and turned to join the others. “Don’t get into any trouble,” he called over his shoulder with a grin.

She laughed and rolled her eyes. “You too.”

Rey stood up and stretched, watching the rest of the Resistance take off toward the village they knew was a mile or so through the trees. She didn’t even know the name of this planet. They had been to so many in the past few months, she lost track long ago.

The first few weeks after the battle on Crait had been a hyperspace blur. Each time they landed somewhere, Leia would take a few others to meet secret allies. Sometimes she would return with credits to buy food and supplies. Sometimes she brought recruits. Sometimes she returned with nothing. Then they were off to another world.

This constant moving should end soon, though. Leia had a lead on a new base location, and they were going to head there after picking up a few more recruits and supplies on this planet. They had grown again to nearly a hundred people and added a few beat-up shuttles and starfighters to the fleet. It was increasingly difficult to support this many people from a few tiny ships that were never meant to be permanent dwellings. Simply finding room for everyone to sleep was a challenge.

Rey grabbed a few tools Chewie had left strewn on the grass near the loading ramp and ducked under the edge of the Falcon. She walked the portside, making a mental tally of things that needed work.

Last week an “ally” Leia visited had reported them to the First Order, forcing them to evacuate the planet in a hurry. Chewie had done some pretty impressive flying getting the whole ragtag fleet out safely, but some of the panels near the thruster had come loose. Rey decided to work on that first. She threw the tools down on the ground next to her and picked up a pry bar.

She was struggling with the panel over her head when suddenly that familiar prick at the edge of her consciousness told her to look. _Not now._ She ignored it, hoping it would go away. That never worked though. She threw the pry bar down with a growl and turned.

Kylo Ren sat on the ground, leaning against the Falcon’s landing gear. His legs were stretched out before him and his black cape rippled around him in an arc.

At the sight of him, Rey felt the strangest combination of emotions leap in her chest. Hate she expected, although she immediately decided it was only a lingering symptom from the battle on Crait. She didn’t really hate Ben. She couldn’t. There was also panic, jolting her at the thought of anyone in the Resistance seeing him. Though she told herself that was stupid; only she could see him. And was that….? She shoved that last emotion down without examining it.

He seemed lost in thought. His eyes were downcast. She could just barely see them glinting beneath the thick eyelashes that hovered close to his cheeks. His brows were drawn together in a frown. His mouth was tensed and a muscle in his jaw twitched.

He gave no indication that he was aware of her. Rey took an involuntary step forward.

“Have you come to gloat? Or is it to spy on me?”

She froze. His voice was not gentle, like when their hands touched over a fire on Ahch-To, but neither was it cruel, like when she first met him in the forest and he frightened her. It was something else. The silence stretched out between them as Rey reached for a reply.

“Neither,” she said finally. “And you know I don’t control when this happens. I wasn’t trying to see you at all.”

“Then leave me alone,” he said softly, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture.

Rey expected the connection to shut, but nothing happened. He continued to sit there, pouting darkly, putting on a valiant show of ignoring her. Moments ticked by.

Finally Rey put a hand on her hip and looked off toward the village, annoyance rising. This was absurd. They couldn’t stand here like this all day. Her friends would return eventually and she didn’t want to be caught speaking to the air, let alone speaking to Kylo Ren. The Force had a sick sense of humor.

“What do you want, Rey?”

She jerked her gaze back to him and swallowed. Her mind raced over dozens of answers she could give him. Something about Ben always made her want to be honest. It felt dangerous now, but words came tumbling out anyways.

“Do you have to ask? I think I’ve been pretty clear.” She spread her hands apart in a gesture of supplication. “I told you everything.”

His whole expression softened, but then he shook his head. “I thought I understood you, but I was mistaken.”

Rey kneeled next to him. For one moment she had an urge to lean forward and touch him, but she thought better of it and sat back on her heels. “I didn’t want to feel alone, remember?”

Ben’s face became a blank mask as if he was retreating behind a barrier. “You already know what my answer to that was,” he said, his tone hard.

“And you know why I couldn’t accept it,” Rey said, her voice rising in anger. “You know there was no way I could help you destroy the friends I care about!”

“I didn’t ask you to do that,” he snarled, turning his face away.

Rey took this in, confused. “I thought –"

“You thought this monster might be a useful pet as long as you held the leash,” he said, his gaze whipping back to her. “I’ve seen it before. But I’m no one’s pet.”

Rey was aghast. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” Ben snapped. “Yet another person who knows more about me than I do.” He slammed his hand into the ground next to him.

“Will you get your head out of your ass?” Rey shouted. She let out a growl of frustration. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. All I know is I gave you a chance to join me, and you refused to help my friends, and then you threw a tantrum because I wouldn’t go with you and rule the galaxy with you or _whatever_ it is you expected.”

Rey rolled her eyes to make it clear what she thought of that particular idea, which was only slightly undermined by the blush she could feel spreading over her cheeks.

“It’s amazing how adept you are at twisting everything to be the opposite of what happened!” he said. “Were you even in the same parsec as me?”

Rey heaved a great sigh. She closed her eyes and willed herself not to be angry. “I think we have misunderstood each other.”

Ben’s eyes turned flinty. “I understand perfectly,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re not the first person to appear to care about me, only to be revealed as someone who wants to use me to fight a war for them. I won’t let myself be used like that again. I’m the master now.”

Anger roared inside of Rey. She nearly jumped up to her feet. That was not what this was. She had not been plotting to _use_ Ben as others had. She was about to give a seething retort when a small voice inside her said, _What was your goal, then, Rey?_

Of course she had hoped he would go with her and help save the Resistance. But did that mean she had been using him? Icy dread crept up her spine.

Suddenly Rey realized that Ben was watching her closely. She rearranged her face into a blank expression, but it was too late.

His eyes narrowed as he nodded and looked away.

“So now that we’re finally being honest with one another, I think we have nothing else to say,” he said. “I rejected your offer to join the Resistance, and you rejected my offer to stand with me.”

“Wait, what about you? You were just using me too,” Rey said, with a disheartening lack of conviction. “You’re no better than--" 

“No,” he said, cutting her off. “I didn’t want you to become a weapon of the First Order. I don’t need you on my side to win. That was never the plan.”

Rey was skeptical. “Then what was your plan, Ben?”

He shrugged. “I cared about you. I thought you felt the same way. I thought together we could do something new. But I was wrong about all of it.”

Rey screwed up her face in confusion. Maybe she had misunderstood him. She wanted to ask more but something clicked in her mind.

She could see it now. She hadn’t done it on purpose, but sometimes actions are more important than intention. And she could see that she had made a mistake.

She had been eager to go to Ben when it looked like he would help her win this war, but once he expressed a different goal, she had turned on him. He hadn’t done what she wanted. His proposals were not what she expected. And in an instant she became his enemy again. Her thoughts drifted errantly to Luke standing over Ben with a lightsaber.

Rey couldn’t meet his eyes anymore, so she stared down at her hands lying upturned on her lap. It felt like something dreadfully irreversible had happened.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Rey finally said in a small voice. She gathered all her courage to peek up at him to see his reaction. But he was gone.

“Rey?”

She nearly jumped out of her skin. That was not Ben’s voice. Rey hurtled to her feet and spun around. 

Finn and Poe were standing a few paces away. Panic gripped her heart. She hadn’t heard them approach. How long had they been there? She brushed at the wetness in her eyes.

“Rey, what were you doing?” Finn said, stepping towards her, his voice rising in alarm.

Rey felt the blood rushing out of her face. Her first thought was to lie, say she was only talking to herself. But that would only work if they hadn’t heard any of it. Poe was giving her a rather dark look, as if putting pieces together in his mind. Rey couldn’t say anything.

Finn stepped closer. “Who were you talking to?”

She remained silent.

“Rey, this doesn’t look good,” Poe said, his voice tinged with warning. “You better come up with an explanation quick before we –"

Finn shot him a look and Poe cut off midsentence. Then Finn took a deep breath and put on a smile.

“Rey, it kind of sounded like you were talking to… Kylo Ren. It’s ridiculous, right?” He let out a nervous laugh. “So who _were_ you talking to?”

Rey looked down at the ground. “No one,” she said, clenching her hands to keep them from shaking.

“Ben Solo,” Poe said, stepping around Finn and coming to stand before her. “Or as most know him, Kylo Ren, the _Supreme Leader_ of the First Order. The guy who almost killed us all last week.”

Rey’s heart dropped. “He didn’t –" she started, but she cut herself off when Poe’s eyes narrowed.

“Not only were you talking to him,” Poe continued, “but you tried to hide it from us. As I said, it doesn’t look good.”

Rey heard a clicking sound. A pair of magnacuffs appeared in his hands, open.

“Poe, what the _hell?”_ Finn said, stepping forward. Poe held a hand up, keeping Finn back.

“I’m not going to hurt her,” Poe said calmly, turning to Finn. “But she’s a Jedi. There’s no way I’m letting her walk around without cuffs until we get an explanation for what she was doing.”

Rey kept her eyes trained on Poe. Something about this felt inevitable.

Poe turned back to her. She offered up her hands.

“And it better be a good one,” he murmured, snapping the cuffs shut.

   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Is Rey in trouble? :) You never know... *cackles*
> 
> I’m planning to post the next chapter in one week. See you then!
> 
> Find me on Twitter: @HopeEternal8


	3. Friends and Enemies

“What in _the galaxy_ is going on here?” said Leia with a scowl. Her gaze swept over Finn, Rey standing next to him in cuffs, and finally Poe. It was he her fiery gaze settled upon. “Explain.”

“Leia,” Poe began, “I know this seems strange, but Finn and I overheard Rey communicating with – you’ll never believe it -- _Kylo Ren_.”

Poe leaned close to Leia and spoke softly in her ear. Rey shifted on her feet.

They were standing just inside the loading ramp of the Falcon. The rest of the Resistance had returned shortly after Poe and Finn had confronted her. Apparently they were all in a hurry, though no one bothered to shout out why. Resistance fighters scattered to their ships and began packing up, while Poe hailed Leia and ushered her onto the Falcon where Finn was watching Rey.

As Poe was speaking in hushed tones to Leia, BB-8 rolled over near Rey’s leg and let out a long series of inquiring beeps. She just shook her head at him in warning.

Next to her, Finn kept a tight grip on her arm. It could seem like sternness toward a prisoner, but Rey knew it was more fear that if he didn’t hold onto her, someone else might be given the job. He was a conflicted mess since the confrontation under the hull. 

After a few tense seconds, Poe stepped away from Leia and they both turned to face Rey.

Leia gazed at her in silence for a moment, and then she motioned Rey to follow her towards a pile of crates stacked against the Falcon’s corridor wall. Finn and Poe remained by the ramp only a few paces away.

“Rey, I need you to tell me the truth,” Leia said as she perched on a crate across from Rey. “Were you talking to Kylo Ren?”

Rey nodded numbly.

“And you _know_ he’s the Supreme Leader of the First Order, right?” Leia asked, scrunching up her brows. She sounded like some small part of her hoped the answer was no.

Rey looked down at the floor and stubbornly blinked back tears. Only a few months with her new family and she had already screwed things up. What else were they to think but that they had a traitor in their midst?

“Rey, I need you to look at me.”

Rey fought with herself to meet Leia’s eyes. When she did, Leia sighed.

“Things may have changed for you while you were gone from us,” Leia said carefully, her expression softening. “If you’re loyal now to the First Order, you need to tell me that. We won’t hurt you. In fact, I’ll let you go to them. You just can’t remain here. So I need to know one way or the other where your allegiance lies so we can figure out what to do with you.”

At first the general’s words caused Rey to tense in fear, but that feeling slowly gave way to wonder as Leia went on. She would let her… _go?_ Her heart ached with affection for the kindness present in the general’s offer, for she could tell Leia was sincere.

Rey shook her head. “No,” she said. “I mean, yes, I was talking to him. But I’m not his spy or anything. I’m here to help the Resistance. I haven’t changed my mind.”

Leia pursed her lips and stared at Rey, who was painfully aware that her answer elicited more questions than it satisfied. But after a moment Leia nodded slightly and gestured to Poe.

“Get these cuffs off of her. She belongs with us.”

Poe strode over and deactivated the magnacuffs, tucking them into his belt. Rey rubbed her wrists and looked up at him with wariness. His expression was neutral.

As Poe stepped back, Leia grabbed his wrist and he paused. “You did the right thing,” she told him. He gave a curt nod.

Leia stood up.

“We don’t have time to deal with this. We’ve already lingered too long on this planet. Finn, Poe, don’t tell anyone about this conversation. Let’s get everyone out of here.”

They all turned to exit the Falcon to join in the preparations for leaving, but just before the ramp, Poe halted and spun around.

“Wait – shouldn’t we at least confiscate the device she was using?” he said. He looked at Rey. “I don’t know where she got a long-distance radio, but it could lead him to us even if she didn’t mean it to -" 

Rey scrunched her face in confusion and then… _oh._ That was the part she least wanted them to discover. “I didn’t… use a radio,” she said carefully.

Leia looked at her sharply and twisted her mouth. Her penetrating gaze was starting to make Rey feel very uncomfortable. She was sure there was little she could hide from Leia for long. 

“The Force?” Leia asked finally. Rey paused a beat and then nodded. 

Leia heaved a great sigh and turned to Poe. “Well, you can’t confiscate _that_ from her. Whether it leads him to us or not, we’ll have to risk it.”

Poe shot Rey a calculating look but didn’t protest.

“We will talk about this later,” Leia said with emphasis, turning her sharp gaze back to Rey. “There’s a lot you haven’t told me since you came back from Ahch-To. I’ve tried to give you time to come to me on your own. But it seems we need to work on our communication. Agreed?”

Rey felt nauseous at the thought, but she nodded her assent.

   
…  
   
 

At least thirty people crammed onto the Falcon for the ride over to their new base, way beyond capacity. They had approximately 14 hours until arrival, and so everyone made themselves comfortable for the journey in the corridor that encircled the core of the ship. 

After reaching hyperspace, Finn began to make his way to the cockpit to talk with Chewie. He shot Rey a look as if he wanted her to follow him, but she made an excuse about being tired and retreated to the bunks instead. She wasn’t ready to tell him more about her connection with Kylo Ren, but she knew he would expect an explanation soon. He deserved one, really.

To Rey’s delight, the little room off the entrance to the cockpit with three bunks and an attached ‘fresher was empty. She sat on one of the bunks and pulled up her feet, leaning against the wall.

She should have seen this coming. She should have expected it after Luke told her that her powers scared him. The horrific deeds of Kylo Ren were what people thought of when they thought of the Force. Her abilities created an undeniable connection to him. And it was a liability.

When she had fled so rashly to the _Supremacy_ , certain Ben would return with her, she had never even considered the possibility that she would fail. If she had, maybe she would have paused. Maybe she would have considered how her connection to an unredeemed Kylo Ren would look to others.

No one in the Resistance knew of any political or philosophical factors drawing Rey to their cause. She was a wild orphan from the desert that just started tagging along. From that perspective, allying herself with someone who shared her rare abilities, someone who could teach her even, just made sense. And Rey figured this was what went through Leia’s mind when she offered to let Rey go if her _loyalties_ had shifted.

Of course, the reality was that Rey had very strong reasons to fight for the Resistance. Most importantly, these were her friends. The first friends she ever had. She was not about to let this opportunity to belong somewhere go. Even if the last person in the galaxy that could teach her of the Force was now firmly planted across enemy lines.

Rey sighed. That brought her thoughts to the difficult task ahead. How was she to cultivate her Force powers in order to benefit her friends, now that Luke was gone? Was she going to be of any use to the Resistance at all?

_BAM._

The sound of the door to the bunks slammed open, startling Rey from her thoughts. She turned toward the sound to see a girl in a Resistance jumper stride in.

“Ooops, I forgot it did that. Sorry if I startled you.”

The girl reached back to drag a tub of tools from the corridor into the room. She had dark hair, expressive eyes, and a round, pleasant face. But looks could be deceiving. Rey recognized her. She had seen her around the crew, talking to Finn. Though this girl was naturally adorable, Rey had seen her give some seriously fierce looks at people she disagreed with behind their backs.

They had been introduced before, but never really spoke. Her name was Rose.

Rose dragged the tub across the floor over to the refresher in the corner.

“I was told that there’s a problem with the life support system that seems to be coming from the area of these pipes over the ‘fresher,” she explained. Then she made a face. “I used to maintain Republic command ships. Now I have freighter bathroom duty assigned to me by a Wookiee.”

Rey smiled. Chewie could be very bossy when it came to taking care of his ship.

Rose rifled through the box and then worked for a few moments on the pipes in silence. Rey was just about to leave, thinking it might be easier to avoid conversation in a crowd than in this tiny room with Rose, when Rose stood up and turned toward her.

“So you’re Rey. Finn has told me all about you. A real Jedi, huh?” she exclaimed brightly, her eyes lighting up.

Rey cringed. “Not exactly.” She paused. Suddenly a crazy urge came over her to just spill everything she was thinking. She took a deep breath and then words came tumbling out of her mouth. 

“Honestly, I don’t know anything about being a Jedi and now that Luke’s gone, I don’t know how I’m going to learn.” 

Rose’s smile faded and Rey could have kicked herself. This is exactly why she had kept her inner turmoil secret after Crait. If the Jedi served any purpose in a war-torn galaxy, it was to inspire hope. But Rey was a little short on hope right now.

“I’m sorry,” Rey said, turning away from Rose’s crestfallen face. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sure you don’t want to hear me worry.”

“Actually,” Rose said, “I didn’t expect to hear anything specific. I was just thinking maybe you could use a friend.”

Rey stared at her. An absurdly large grin streaked across her face. All the pressure of being the Jedi and the weight of so many secrets kept since Ahch-To melted away. She could almost cry. 

“Uhm, yeah,” she said, “I could use one.” 

Rose’s eyes twinkled. “No problem. So could I.”

   
…  
   
 

Cophrigin 5 was a small, unpopulated planet tucked into a sleepy corner of the Outer Rim. What it lacked in advanced lifeforms it made up for in gently rolling grasslands and bright forests. Colorful flowers peppered the hills up to the borders of the tree groves. A peaceful goat-like species wandered the prairie in small herds, ensuring that the copious seas of grass never got out of control. Rey was absolutely delighted when they first landed and were greeted by a handful of these creatures watching them and bleating, grass sticking out of their mouths at every angle.

What delighted Rey even more, once she got used to it, was living on the base. Practiced in being able to move at a moment’s notice and make a new start somewhere, it took the Resistance fighters no time at all to clear a landing strip, erect several all-purpose structures, and begin receiving shipments of supplies and equipment that came from allies offplanet. 

Rey was fascinated with the way they split up responsibilities and worked together to get things running smoothly. It was one organism made of many parts, or perhaps like a family. Or what Rey imagined a family was like, at any rate.

Luckily, Rey had time to settle into life on the base before any further confrontations about her relationship with Kylo Ren. Leia, Finn, and Poe only stayed on Cophrigin V long enough to unpack some of their supplies and begin supervising the base layout. Then they were off on a special mission, taking two dozen others with them. They piled into the Falcon with Chewie in the pilot’s seat and were off. 

However, they eventually returned. The sight of the Falcon descending through the atmosphere a week later made a jolt of nervousness zip through Rey’s stomach. Sure enough, while she was helping Rose unload supplies from a shipment, a young Twi’lek pilot named Rika ran up to them.

“Rey, you’re wanted by leadership in the meeting hall,” he said after catching his breath, his blue lekku swinging as his eyes darted around the rest of the base as he spoke.

Rey shot Rose a look of panic. She had told Rose everything about Luke, the Force bond, the _Supremacy_ , and getting caught talking to Kylo Ren last week. To her surprise and relief, Rose had been very understanding. Now Rose put down the crate she was carrying and smiled at Rey. 

“Go on, you’ll be fine!” she said, shooing her away. “They’ll understand.”

Rey scowled and followed the pilot to the large building next to the makeshift dorms that served as the base’s primary meeting room. She stepped inside nervously, expecting to see Leia and Finn and Poe. She did spot them, but to her surprise there were about thirty others milling around the room, weaving between chairs to clasp hands and talk.

Finn met her at the door and swept her into a hug.

“You’re back!” she said, grinning at him as she pulled away. She gestured at the crowd. “What’s going on?”

His face turned serious. 

“Something happened while we were gone.”

She shot him a puzzled look, but he was distracted by something else. 

“Where’s Rose?”

“She’s unloading the shipment.”

“Oy, she’s supposed to be here too,” Finn replied, his eyes scanning the room. He grabbed a comlink out of his belt and punched out a quick message. “She’ll be here in a moment,” he said, tucking the comlink away and turning back to Rey.

“So what’s the deal?” Rey asked.

“Leia had a little… argument with someone,” Finn said, lowering his voice and looking about the room as if to make sure no one could hear him. He pulled her over towards the left wall so they were out of the way. “You know Admiral Baziin?” 

Rey nodded. She had interacted with the Togruta mechanic-turned-Admiral a bit on their journeys since Crait. When he wasn’t accompanying Leia to meet with allies, he often went with Chewie to barter for ship parts. He had an incredible sense of humor and a rather deep belly-laugh that shook his montrails as he told stories about his childhood on Shili. 

“Well,” Finn continued, “he confronted Leia in front of the whole crew we took with us and questioned the direction of the Resistance.”

“What did he say?” Rey asked, shocked.

“He said we can’t possibly win against the First Order. And he wasn’t alone, Rey,” Finn added with a scowl. “Half the crew took turns to stand up and agree with him. They said it’s time for us all to go home.”

 _“Home?”_ Rey said. She clenched her hands. Suddenly she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. “What did Leia say? What did she do?”

Finn heaved a sigh and looked over toward the general, who was talking to Poe with a solemn look on her face.

“She said that he was right.”

Rey gasped.

“That’s what we’re here to discuss,” he finished.

Rey stared at Finn, dumbfounded. The door opened again next to them and Rose stepped inside. She immediately spotted Rey and Finn in the corner and joined them.

“What’s going on?” Rose asked. She gestured around the room. “Why is everyone here?”

“Come on, let’s sit down,” Finn said, ushering both women toward the seats. “No time to explain. They’re about to start.”

   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked, let me know in the comments! Next chapter should be up by Friday. Follow me on Twitter for updates. @HopeEternal8


	4. Scavengers We Can Be

“It’s time to reassess what we are doing here.”

Leia stood before the Resistance leadership. She sounded tired. Rey noticed the usual spark in her eyes and her voice was missing.

“The status of the Resistance is tenuous. The fate of the galaxy is at stake. We don’t have a lot of options. We have even fewer resources.” Leia paused and took a deep breath. “As much as I don’t want to give up, I think Baziin and the others are right. We have failed.”

Rey leaned forward in her seat. The tension in the room was thick.

“If we are to continue this resistance,” Leia said, “we need a new plan. What we have been doing is ineffective, and I will not send any more of you to die without reasonable hope that it will not be in vain.”

Leia turned and took a seat.

The meeting hall was filled with rows of chairs arranged in concentric circles. All the people Rey had seen upon first entering the hall had claimed one of the seats. In the first row sat Leia, Chewie, Baziin, Rika, and Poe. Rey, Finn and Rose sat together a few rows back. At the center was empty space. There were aisles piercing the circles at intervals like spokes of a wheel for people to walk to the center to speak in turn.

Rey thought it was a fitting setup. It suggested without words how Leia ran the Resistance. She was in the front, but she was not at the center. All rows combined to make one whole.

“We can’t give up,” said Poe. He stood and took his place in the center of the gathering. “As long as there are people willing to stand against the First Order, there is hope. If we give up now, we are sentencing the galaxy to slavery.”

He paused and scowled, running a hand over the back of his neck. “I don’t know if we can win this war. But fighting back is the right thing to do. And I’ll leave the outcome up to the will of the Force.”

At the mention of the Force, several eyes darted to Rey. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably. In the last few months, she had attended a few leadership meetings at the request of Leia, but had so far avoided contributing much to discussion. It wasn’t that she didn’t have opinions, but she didn’t know anything about fighting a war.

After a moment, a red-headed Coruscanti pilot named Faeda stood and voiced agreement with Poe.

“It looks bad now, but it’s looked bad before,” she said in her unusual clipped accent. Her voice took a dark turn. “And I’ll remind everyone that many of us don’t have homes or families to return to. That’s why we got into this war in the first place.” She shot a pointed look towards Baziin.

At this, Baziin shifted uncomfortably.

Faeda pursed her lips and then turned away from him. “We simply need time to recruit new fighters and rebuild our decimated resources, both literal and political.”

A slender Twi’lek munitions expert named Namir stood. Like Rose, she was an exercise in contradictions. Small and pretty, but dangerous. She was always sporting more blasters, detonators, and knives strapped to her body than anyone Rey had ever seen.

“There is no time to spare,” Namir said. “The victory of the First Order on Crait has implications far beyond the facts of that tiny skirmish. As they gain total control over most systems in the galaxy, our ability to recruit and rebuild is disappearing.”

Leia nodded from her seat. “That is why if we are to continue, we need to do something unconventional to buy us more time. If we don’t do something fast, the window of opportunity we have to help the galaxy will close. For good.”

“So what are our options?” Poe asked. “What can we do right now that would deal them an unexpected blow and buy us time?”

A Togruta pilot suggested they attempt to threaten the First Order supply lines. “If they suffered a lack of TIE Fighters and shuttles, their ability to cow more planets into submission would be greatly hampered,” he said. Several people around the room nodded and murmured assent.

A Mon Calamari communications technician seated on the other side of Rose cleared his throat. “But can we do damage worth attempting with only a half a dozen X-wings? We can’t be poking at Hutts with nothing but a small stick.”

There was silence for a moment while everyone was deep in thought. Any idea Rey could think of was similarly flawed; the numerous options all fell short when considering their minuscule resources.

“Attacking First Order supplies is the right direction,” Finn said, and everyone’s gaze swiveled to him. “But we must be more unconventional.” He stood and maneuvered toward an aisle.

“They will be expecting us to attack their ship factories, their farms, or their weapons suppliers,” he said, reaching the center of the gathering and stopping. “But there is one resource that they are even more dependent on than any of those things. One resource that would completely finish the First Order if they lost it.”

“What is it? What are we not seeing?” Poe asked, sitting up straighter.

Finn turned to look at him.

“Stormtroopers.” 

Poe frowned and raked a hand through his hair. “That would definitely be the First Order’s most important resource. But I thought we were talking about methods other than conventional warfare. I’d love to do major damage to their manpower, but we have no hope to accomplish that right now.”

“No,” Finn interrupted, beginning to pace. “You’re right. But I’m not talking about killing stormtroopers. I’m talking about liberating them.”

“Liberating them?” repeated Leia, her eyes narrowing.

Finn turned to her. “We will never defeat the First Order through military force. Not now. It’s too late. But there is another way. I didn’t see it before, but now I do. It was Rose who said it.” He turned to look at Rose and Rey felt her jump at her side.

“Me?” Rose said.

“Yes.” Finn smiled at her and continued his pacing. “She said we are going to win this war not by fighting what we hate, but by saving what we love.”

“So… we love stormtroopers?” someone from the back offered up. A few people snickered.

“That’s not exactly what I meant,” Rose began, flushing.

“No,” Finn said, sternly silencing the snickers with a look. “But she was right about the war. We’ve been so busy fighting what we hate, hating what we fight….” He trailed off. “It’s not working. It’s the wrong approach.”

He cast his eyes about the room, taking in the many upturned faces. “You all know I am a former stormtrooper. But how many of you know how stormtrooper recruitment happens?”

Poe and Leia exchanged a glance. Rey assumed they probably knew. She knew because Finn had told her. But the confused looks on the other occupants of the room told her that this was going to be a big surprise for most of them.

“They call it Project Resurrection,” Finn said. “Young children are kidnapped from poor planets in the Outer Rim, planets that have no ability to stop this from happening. This ensures that these kidnappings are kept quiet. These children are subjected to intense reprogramming and training. Most forget their planets of birth, their families, even their own names. Then they are turned into weapons entirely loyal to the First Order.” 

Finn paused there, letting his words wash over the audience. Everyone was unnaturally still and silent. Rey could see horror slowly settling in their expressions.

Baziin cleared his throat. “This is shocking. I thought stormtroopers were … _employees_. We know the First Order, like the Empire before it, recruits its cadets and officers from promising families and compensates them well. I just assumed stormtroopers were the same.”

“How do they get enough children to feed into their program?” Faeda interjected, her words sharp with emotion. “They must have abducted thousands, even millions, over the last ten years! How is it that no one in the Senate ever noticed this happening, right under their noses?”

“They were smart. They targeted planets that had no power in the Senate,” Finn said.

“And there _were_ rumors about this in the Senate,” Leia said, “but for many it was too hard to believe. I wonder if others were paid off to ignore it.”

Rey frowned at talk of the Senate. She didn’t know if Jakku was ever a target, but she knew the Senate had held as much influence over the doings on her homeworld as her childhood doll Raeh. Nobody ever looked out for the orphans who wandered the sands.

“Once the stormtroopers are trained,” Finn continued, jolting Rey from her thoughts, “the First Order keeps control over them by a combination of threats, lies, and lack of other options. The First Order is painted as a savior, their only family, and they have nowhere else to go. Some stormtroopers really buy into it. Others remain skeptical but keep quiet, knowing any dissent or attempts to leave put you at risk for a sudden disappearance.”

He paused and lowered his voice so that Rey had to really listen to catch his words. “I was told that no one had ever left the First Order and lived. Now I wonder if that was true, because here I am. But when you’re on the inside, all you have is what the First Order chooses to tell you.”

“Finn,” Leia said, piercing the gloom, “You are right to bring our attention to the plight of the stormtroopers. It is a tragic situation, and one that a working Republic would want to fix. But what do you think we can do about it?”

“I’m not sure exactly how to go about doing it,” Finn said, his words picking up pace. “But I think we need to communicate with the stormtroopers, somehow get on the inside and show them that there are other options. And then help them to escape.”

“You’re talking about inciting a stormtrooper rebellion,” Poe said. “Dismantling the First Order from the inside out.”

“Yes.”

Poe sat up straighter and leaned forward. “That means one of two things: infiltration, or reverse propaganda.”

“Propaganda?” said Leia, one finger tapping her lips thoughtfully.

“Yes,” said Poe. “If the First Order uses lies to manipulate what the stormtroopers believe is possible, we do the opposite: we tell them the truth. Give the stormtroopers a choice.”

Finn nodded. “Exactly. This is the only hope we have. Not of outsmarting the First Order or overpowering them, but of robbing them of what they seek to control. By exposing the lies of the First Order to its own people, we might see the Resistance reborn. As for infiltration or reverse propaganda, maybe we need both.”

“But Finn,” Rose said, “Do you really think stormtroopers will respond? Enough to make this plan worth the risk? If the First Order is as good at reprogramming as you say, the stormtroopers might be very resistant to any options.”

Finn thought about her question for a moment before answering. 

“I think there are many in the First Order who would do anything to escape -- _if_ they thought it was possible, and _if_ they thought they had somewhere to go when they got out.

“Not all will feel that way, for sure,” he conceded with a shrug. “Stormtroopers are a mix of good and bad, just like everyone else. But for those who want out, they need our help. By doing this we can grow the Resistance, rescue victims of the First Order, and weaken them for future military action. It’s just what we need.”

Poe let out a sigh and shook his head. “I don’t know, buddy. Look, I agree with you that sparking a rebellion among the stormtroopers is the only thing we can do right now to weaken the First Order.”

“So,” Finn asked, “What’s the problem?”

“It’s not a problem. I just…” Poe trailed off. “I need help understanding something. I don’t see how this is actually going to work. What kind of a life are we going to free these people to? Do you know what I mean?”

“Not really....”

“I mean, are they going to join us?” Poe said, raising his brows. “Let’s say we go to free a bunch of them and it works. Are we going to bring them to our base, into our barracks, provide them food, clothe them, arm them, and organize them into squads to bring them into battle on our side?” 

Finn frowned. He opened his mouth to reply, but Poe continued.

“One, if we do this, how are we better than the First Order? Are they really going to have a free choice or is there a level of coercion there if we’re the ones that freed them?”

Rey felt a jolt of unease. That was a good point.

“And two,” Poe said, waving his hands as he spoke, “Let’s say they all want to join us to fight back. It all sounds great, but will we be able to trust them? Go into battle with them?” He paused. “When things get tough, are they going to have our back or shoot us in the back?”

“Ok, hold on,” Finn interrupted. “Do you trust _me_?”

Poe looked horrified. “Stars, Finn, that’s crazy. I trust you with my life. But you’re different. You left by your own choice. You hated it there, hated everything they stood for. You’re a good man. A hero even. And nobody had to come drag you out of there.”

Finn was quiet. “Poe, you’re wrong. You forget I needed your help to get out. If you had not been on that ship, I would have failed to escape and been executed. I’m sure of it.”

Poe was silent.

“Because of you, and because of Han and Rey and Beebee-Ate, I had a chance for a different life. If it weren’t for you, I’d either still be there, carrying out horrific acts for the First Order, or I’d be dead.” 

Finn paused and thought for a second. “Perhaps I would have escaped, and I’d be on the run for the rest of my life, looking over my shoulder, living in the slums of the galaxy, forever in fear of being found out not only by the First Order, but by the enemies of the First Order. _Everyone_ would be my enemy then.

“But you helped me escape, and the Resistance has welcomed me. That’s what these people need, Poe. A chance for escape, and a few people willing to see the potential they have for good rather than see only the monsters they could be under the worst circumstances.”

“So we get them out,” Leia said, “and offer them a choice. Join us, or go free and make a new life somewhere. Either way we’ll have to help them get on their feet.”

Silence fell. Rey glanced about the room, chewing her lip. She searched for the faces of Baziin and the other dissenters. Would they agree with this plan or would the Resistance end? Every face was clouded in thought. She glanced at Rose. Even unquenchably cheerful Rose was studying the hands in her lap with a frown.

“What about the children?” Faeda said softly. 

Poe turned to her. “Children?”

“Finn said they are kidnapped as children,” Faeda said. “If we follow this plan, we could end up with a lot of children on our hands. Orphans. They won’t be enlisting in our ranks anytime soon. How are we going to take care of them?”

“Well,” Leia said, “If it comes to that, I think I know someone who would be able to help us with that. An old friend.”

Faeda shot Leia a curious look, but she didn’t elaborate. Rey stifled a smile. Was there a problem in the galaxy Leia didn’t have a contact for?

“I think we should do it,” Rose said suddenly, straightening in her chair.

“I agree,” Poe said.

There was a pause and then a creaking from a chair as Baziin leaned forward, his montrails sliding over his shoulders. “It’s a plan I can support,” he said in his gruff voice, catching Leia’s eye and giving her a small nod. She smiled at him.

Several others around the room voiced assent. Eventually all eyes settled on Leia. Her expression was hard to read.

“Tell me one thing, Finn,” Leia said finally, “because you lost me a little on this. How does inciting a stormtrooper rebellion follow from Rose’s idea that we must save what we love instead of fighting what we hate?”

“Well,” Finn began. “If we continue to see our enemies as different than us, we will either lose this war or perpetuate it. They have more in common with us than we’d all like to acknowledge.” 

He paused and his eyes flickered to Rey.

“It’s worth trying to see what we can salvage out of this conflict rather than tossing it all in the scrap heap. We can find common ground. We can offer stormtroopers things they value that the First Order could never offer them. Like their freedom. A hopeful future. Many of them want those things, just like us.”

“You sound like a Senator,” Leia said with a laugh. “A good one, anyway,” she quickly revised. She turned to Poe. “Let’s make this happen.”

The meeting continued well into the evening, as everyone worked together on the details of how to implement Finn's idea. A three-step plan began to take shape, including counter propaganda, the incitement of insider sabotage, and evacuation missions for stormtroopers ready to accept their help.

By the time the meeting adjourned, the sun was setting behind the base and the stars were beginning to sputter against the dusky sky. Rey stepped out into the cool night air with a growling stomach and the immediate plan to convince Rose to get some dinner together. But there was something else as well. A strange feeling blossomed in her chest, something she hadn’t felt since the battle on Crait.

It was hope.

   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm inspired by some of my favorite AO3 authors to add notes with links at the end when I refer to things found in the EU, canon novels, or other materials, so there's a few things.
> 
> The description of the way the seats are arranged at the beginning was really difficult for me to write for some reason, so I'm not sure it came across well. But ultimately I was thinking of the [Senate Chamber](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Galactic_Senate_Chamber) shown in the Prequels, only flat and with mismatched folding chairs. :) BTW did anyone cringe at the potential anachronism I used? (Does the SW galaxy have traditional wheels on _anything_?)
> 
>  
> 
> [Project Resurrection](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Project_Resurrection)
> 
>  
> 
> Rey's handmade [pilot doll named Raeh](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjXjtj_yIzcAhVDU98KHZ2uCjoQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=http%3A%2F%2Froguedameron.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F136090205620%2Fpage-30-of-the-tfa-visual-dictionary-is-about-rey&psig=AOvVaw092DbPjk6gvdBkJ-CA_atV&ust=1531038488619856)
> 
> Lastly, any guesses on who Leia has in mind for a galactic babysitter? :)
> 
> Next update will be either Saturday the 14th or Sunday the 15th. See you then!


	5. Coming Clean

Rey squinted at the band of white light burning across her vision. Her hand sneaked up under the old welder’s visor covering her face to brush away the sweat collecting across her nose. Next to her, Chewie intoned a rumbling growl.

“I wasn’t going to take it off,” Rey replied. “I know how to use these things, Chewie.” She brandished the flux core welding gun she was holding, which of course was now very safely turned off. “I can handle myself.”

Chewie let out a skeptical moan and turned back to his work.

Rey rose from her crouch near the underbelly of a decrepit Republic-era Y-wing. Turning away from the ancient aircraft, she strode over to the workbench pressed against the wall of the hangar, throwing the welding gun down and shedding her visor, apron, and gloves.

In the last few days, the Resistance had acquired several X-wings, an old Nu-class shuttle, and this nearly useless Y-wing. There was even a crashed TIE SF that arrived this morning, which raised some eyebrows when it was delivered. Chewie argued it would be beneficial to study the enemy’s technology. He was in charge here, ensuring all new equipment was either repaired or scavenged for parts by the mechanic team. Nothing went to waste.

Rey took a swig from the jug of water sitting on the workbench. Suddenly she heard the sound of footsteps running towards them on the landing strip.

“Not again,” Rey muttered.

“She’s _beautiful_.”

Poe stumbled through the hangar bay and halted abruptly in front of the TIE, his face rapturous. Finn followed close behind, as well as Faida and a handful of other pilots.

“I’d sure love to fly one of those again,” Poe said.

Chewie left his position by the Y-wing to scold the pilots. The TIE had been there only a few hours, but already several groups of pilots had barged in hoping for a glimpse. He insisted he couldn’t get anything done under these conditions.

“Have a heart, Chewie. We just want to look at her,” said Poe, crossing his arms.

“What if we help you with the repairs, Chewie?” Faida said, tucking her red hair behind her ears and putting on her best charming smile. Rey had seen it before. It was the one she used quite often on Poe, with mixed results. “Then we won’t be wasting your time. We’d actually _save_ you time.”

Rey leaned against the workbench and stifled a laugh at Chewie's reply. His answer in Shyriiwook translated to something like _you don’t fix ships, you break them._

After a moment, Finn caught her eye and he ducked away from the pilots to join her.

“What have you been doing all day?” Rey asked.

He leaned against the bench next to her and crossed his arms. “I was with Leia working on the counter propaganda campaign. She wants _me_ to do the broadcasts.”

Rey smiled her approval. “You’re exactly the person they need to hear from.”

He nodded and glanced at Rey. “I don’t have to ask what you were doing all day,” he said with a laugh. “You’re covered in grease.” He reached over and wiped a smudge on her face.

Rey swatted his hand away with a grin. She wiped her face more thoroughly on her arm wraps.

“Want to get some lunch?” Finn asked.

“How did you know I’m starving?” Rey said.

Finn rolled his eyes. “You’re always starving.”

Minutes later they were settled amidst the long grass by a stream that ran along one edge of the base. In one sense it was quite peaceful here, away from the noise of the base. But the alien wildlife created enough racket to make up for it. There were birds and insects of dizzying variety fluttering everywhere. 

Rey eyed her platter of food nervously. Sitting by the stream to eat had seemed like a good idea at the time. But maybe they should have come out here after eating. The risk of contamination via dive-bombing creature seemed pretty high.

They both chewed in silence for a few minutes, simply enjoying the food and the cool breeze fluttering over the water. But Rey knew this peaceful moment couldn’t last forever. It was time for an explanation.

“I know you’re confused about what happened with Kylo Ren.”

Finn froze mid-chew and stared at her.

“You’re my friend and you deserve an explanation.”

“Okay,” he said, resuming his chewing. He waited for her to start.

Rey took a deep breath and began to tell him everything that happened to her from the time she arrived on Ahch-To to the moment she fled the _Supremacy._

“So the Force connects us sometimes,” Rey said. “We can see each other and talk. But we don’t have any control over it.” She paused. “At least not yet.”

Finn had barely reacted as she told her story, but by the time she got to the Force connection with Ben and going to rescue him from Snoke, his expression had darkened. He finished what was on his plate and then pushed it to the side, leaning back on his hands and straightening his legs before him. Then he fixed Rey with an intense stare.

“He’s dangerous.”

“Not to me,” she said too quickly, her cheeks growing hot.

Finn sighed. “Yes, to you.” He closed his eyes as if searching for words. “You don’t know him like I do. You haven’t seen him in the First Order.”

Rey opened her mouth to protest, but Finn held up a hand and pressed on.

“I know you think you saw the real person beneath his mask. And maybe you did,” Finn added when she frowned. “But he’s _volatile,_ Rey. Unpredictable. Maybe he’s just a guy with a sad backstory like the way you talk about him, but he killed his father. You don’t think he loved his own father? If he can turn on Han, he could turn on you too.”

Rey flinched at the mention of Han. She knew Ben was capable of evil, but he was also capable of compassion. She had seen both with her own eyes. What she didn’t know was how one person could hold such extremes inside them without bursting.

“I thought you would understand,” Rey said after a pause. “What difference is there between Ben and those stormtroopers you want to save?”

Finn shook his head. “Look, I’m not trying to convince you to hate him, Rey. I just want you to be careful with how much trust you put in your understanding of what he wants and what he will do.”

Rey dropped her gaze and twisted her mouth. “I’ve made that mistake already.”

Finn nodded. “That’s why I want you to be careful.”

They were both silent for a moment. Then Finn shifted.

“Do you think there’s still a chance he could turn?”

Rey chose her words carefully. “I saw light in him, and a struggle. I don’t think it’s gone.”

“Then it’s possible,” Finn replied. He ran a hand over the back of his head. “For Leia’s sake I hope it happens. But things are different now. If before he was a victim of circumstance, he’s not anymore. The choices he makes going forward are going to be the ones that tell us who he really is.”

Finn’s words struck her as profoundly true. She bit her lip and then nodded in agreement.

“So you didn’t learn any lightsaber techniques from Luke?” he asked, changing the subject.

“What?” Rey said, distracted. “No. He didn’t even pick up a lightsaber the whole time I was there.”

A smile crept over Finn’s face. It wasn’t the response she would expect to bad news like learning nothing from the last living Jedi. She shot him a puzzled look.

“Well, maybe I can show you a few things,” he said, grin widening. “You’re already dangerous with a staff, but a saber is a whole different creature.”

She frowned. “What do you know about lightsabers?”

“Stormtrooper training,” he said. “We were certified in every type of melee combat including swords. We were expected to be able to walk into any room and pick up any object and use it to kill.” He shrugged. “We should practice together.”

Rey was filled with delight at this possibility. Her staff skills were developed by necessity in the wild sands of Jakku. They had certainly served her purpose, but to learn more formal techniques and practice with a friend, that would be a whole new experience.

“Okay, let’s try,” she said grinning.

Finn stood up and offered her his hand.

“What - now?” she asked, taking his hand. 

“Sure, why not?” He pulled her to her feet and hopped across the stream towards the grove of trees on the other side. Rey followed him.

Finn picked up a fallen branch and tested it, bending it gently a few times. Then he tossed it to Rey. He walked a little farther under the trees and then returned to the grassy shore with his own stick. He held it in front of his body like a lightsaber and Rey mimicked him.

“Give it your best shot,” he told her. 

The challenge was tempting. Too tempting. Rey grinned at him, reversed her grip as she had done in the forest on Starkiller Base what felt like ages ago, and lunged at him. Finn blocked her first upward slash as expected, but she swung the stick around and turned her follow-through into several more slashes from different angles. He blocked each one effortlessly.

After a more attempts to land a blow, Rey noticed Finn returned to the initial starting position anytime there was a pause. She made it her goal to strike so quickly that he didn’t have enough time to do it, but nothing seemed to be able to get him out of that rhythm. 

Then she had an idea. She flipped the stick in her hand. She attacked from the side and then feigned throwing all her weight behind a blow to Finn’s head. He blocked it, but she let her stick give unexpectedly. It worked. Finn stumbled toward her.

Keeping his weapon at a safe distance with her own, she raised her foot and kicked him in the torso. His eyes widened in surprise. 

Rey flashed him a grin of triumph as her boot contacted his side. Then she felt a hand close around her ankle. Her grin disappeared.

Instantly she found herself on the ground in a heap, facedown, her stick beneath her. She rolled over and sat up.

Finn extended his hand to pull her to her feet. “That was a nice move, making me stumble into your reach,” he said.

Rey pushed away the hair that was escaping her buns and sticking to her face. She laughed. For a moment she simply enjoyed the feeling of her heart pumping and her lungs gasping for air.

“Yeah, it’s great to use when fighting someone bigger than you,” she replied between breaths. “But I didn’t anticipate ending up on the ground!”

Finn laughed. “Let’s go again?”

Rey picked up her stick and turned it over in her hand. She could see the far end had a hairline crack in it already.

“Sure, but we’ve got to get some better practice gear. These sticks aren’t going to last long.” 

   
…  
   
 

Every part of Rey felt leaden as she shuffled into the girls’ sleeping quarters. She had to admit she and Finn got a little carried away. It probably wasn’t a good idea to spar for hours after so many weeks of slacking. She unhooked her belt and threw it on the floor next to her bunk before sitting to struggle with her mud-caked boots. Then she ungracefully shrugged out of the gray wrap draped over her shoulders and around her waist until she was just in her tunic and pants. She stripped off her arm wraps as well and added them to the pile in front of her mattress. 

Cool evening air leaked in from the window her bunk was shoved against, catching the sweaty tendrils of hair at her neck and making her shiver. _Must… shower._ Rey sat for a moment, hands loosely draped over her knees. _Shower._

The door opened with a thunk and Rose walked in. “Hey, there you are. You look tired. How long did you and Finn spar?” 

Rey’s brain was foggy. She grunted something in reply that must have been enough because Rose nodded and headed toward the ‘fresher. _The shower. Where I’m supposed to be right now. Kriff._

Rey flopped down onto her bed and buried her sweaty face in her pillow. She could hear the insects outside loudly humming in the twilight. A metallic thunk that might be the door opening again punctuated her sudden descent toward sleep.

Thunk. Her shovel hit a rock. 

Rey was digging a hole near her AT-AT home on Jakku, but the sands kept blowing into it and stinging her face.

Thunk. She threw her shovel into it and laid down in the ditch, the shovel beneath her, and pressed her body into it, disappearing into the sand. That worked, she thought with satisfaction.

The sand rolled her over and over and became an ocean that spat her out onto a shore. An owl flew past her and she followed it. The owl landed on a giant mound of white sand. It was a pyramid. Below it was another pyramid reflected on smooth black stone. A sun and a moon rose behind it. Rey’s teeth vibrated as a voice that resonated in her bones said, “Come.”

Rey woke up with a jolt.

She sat up. The sleeping quarters were dark. A bit of light trickled in from the window next to her, revealing lumpy shapes on the bunks scattered around the room. Rey leaned toward the window and peered between the fluttering curtains. The sky was a deep purple, a few stars twinkling still. She could hear trees sighing in the wind. It was nearly dawn. 

Rey swung her legs over the side of her bed and pulled on her boots. She glanced at the pile of clothing discarded next to her bed but instead wrapped a scratchy wool blanket around her shoulders and headed out the door.

There was a grassy hill that separated the two groves of trees that ran along the south and east borders of the base. On the other side of the hill lay a long stretch of grassland often hosting the goats that roamed this planet. In the past week, Rey had discovered this hill was an excellent place to escape the noise of the base and think. She headed there now to ponder the strange dream she just had. It wasn’t the kind of dream she could ignore.

Her breath fogged before her in the chilly air as she puffed up the hill, her eyes on the wet grass she traversed. She neared the crest and looked up. _Kriff._ Someone was already here. Rey’s first reaction was to slink back down the hill and find somewhere else, but a voiced drifted down to her from the silhouette.

“Rey?”

It was Leia. Rey pulled her blanket tighter and joined her. By now the sun was peeking over the distant trees and its warm light draped across their bodies. She shifted her feet in the awkward silence.

“You’re up early,” Leia said, breaking the silence.

“So are you,” Rey replied. 

Leia smiled. “I’m usually one of the first awake. I’ve always loved the morning.”

For a brief moment, Rey considered continuing the small talk to further avoid the things that needed to be said. But she knew she couldn’t avoid things any longer. Each time she told what happened, first to Rose, and then to Finn, it got a little bit easier. Rey took a deep breath.

“Leia,” she said, “We need to talk about Ben.”

Leia froze. Rey had never told Leia she knew Kylo Ren was her son. Clearly use of his birth name surprised her, but in true form Leia recovered quickly. The general shifted the heavy cloak draped around her shoulders and turned to regard Rey. “Go ahead,” she said.

“I found out he was your son while on Starkiller Base. I’m sorry I never told you. It felt wrong the way I found out.”

Leia’s expression softened. “It’s all right, Rey. He _is_ my son. His relationship to me is not public knowledge for several reasons. But I do not try to keep it secret. It’s okay that you know.” 

Leia paused and looked off toward the sprawling fields in front of them. “In fact, it’s kind of nice. Since Han died, I haven’t heard anyone say his name. I like hearing it.”

Rey’s heart dropped. She could not fathom how sad it would be to be in Leia’s place, estranged from all whom she loved most by either death or… well, something worse than death.

“Before Crait, I went to the _Supremacy_ to bring him back with me,” Rey said. “I failed, obviously.”

Leia fixed Rey with a sharp gaze. Rey could see her knuckles whiten as she gripped her cloak. “Why don’t you start from the beginning?”

So Rey did. She began with explaining the Force connection that had appeared between them on Ahch-To, and described her initially tense relationship with Luke and what he said about the Jedi failing. At this, Leia looked thoughtful and sad. 

Then Rey got to the part she was most dreading to tell. Leia’s eyes widened when Rey told her of Luke’s growing fear of Ben, his momentary decision to end Ben’s life, and Ben’s reaction to such betrayal.

“You didn’t know, did you?” Rey asked, her voice wavering.

“No,” Leia replied, shaking her head. 

“I-I shouldn’t be the one to tell you these things,” Rey said. “But you had to know.” She paused. “I just wish Luke had been able to tell you. He was deeply ashamed. He regretted that moment for the rest of his life.”

Leia closed her eyes and sighed. After a moment, she nodded and motioned for Rey to continue.

Finally, Rey told her about the Force vision of Ben’s future and that it was he who finally killed Snoke. Leia’s eyes lit up but the rest of her face remained impassive.

The whole time Rey spoke, she kept thinking one thing: If she was in Leia’s position, she would want to see her son. So she did her best to recount every word, every gesture, every expression Ben had. It was the best she could do for the woman before her who deserved so much more.

“Thank you for telling me,” Leia said when Rey was done. “I know it wasn’t easy for you to experience. You’ve taken on the burden of my family, and for that I am sorry.”

Rey wanted to interrupt. It was insane for Leia to apologize to her for any of this. But Leia held up her hand and continued.

“But I know you have done this because you care for those involved.” Leia managed to smile. “I know Han meant a lot to you, and I can tell Luke did too.”

Leia looked off toward the field again. “They were not perfect men, you know. None of the men in my life are,” she added with a faint smile as she peeked at Rey again. “But they are family.”

She said that last part as if that settled it. Rey rather agreed that it did. 

“I wish I could see him again,” Leia said. “It’s been more than ten years.” She looked down at her hands which were twisting at her cloak. “He’s probably so different from the teenager I knew. My little boy,” she added softly, so much so that Rey thought she might have imagined it.

“Leia, I….” Rey trailed off.

Leia shook her head. “Whatever the galaxy sees me as, I am a mother first. I always will be.”

Rey didn’t know what to say. She stepped closer to the general and looped an arm through hers. Together they gazed toward the sun that was now clearing the trees on the horizon, casting golden hues into the pink clouds stretched above the prairie.

After a few moments, Leia turned to Rey with a mischievous light in her eyes. “I’m sure you didn’t wake up this early to tell me all this after so many weeks of avoiding it.”

Rey laughed sheepishly. “No. I had a strange dream. Maybe the Force was showing me something.”

“What was it?” Leia asked.

“Do you know if there is a Jedi temple on this planet? I think I saw one in my dream. I – I think it wants me to find it. Does that sound stupid?” Rey shuffled her feet. 

“Not at all,” Leia said kindly. “The Force is our ally, Rey. It would do us all good to listen carefully to it.” Then Leia tilted her head in thought. “I don’t know of a temple on this planet, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. There are thousands of temples scattered throughout the galaxy. Did the dream tell you where to look for it?”

“Yes,” Rey said immediately, looking towards the rising sun again. “I saw the sun behind it.”

Leia followed her gaze and was silent for a moment. Then she nodded and turned back to Rey. “Go look for it. Take supplies. You don’t know how far it will be.”

Rey nodded. “Thank you.”

She released Leia’s arm and turned to go back down the hill. Several people were now walking about the base, getting ready for the morning’s work. Rey figured it was time for that shower she had put off.

As she descended, Leia called out to her again. She turned to look up at the woman silhouetted at the top of the hill, her figure a striking contrast against the colorful sunrise.

“Rey, be careful. And don’t go alone.”

   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No special notes for this chapter. Though I will say that my love of Star Wars Rebels is showing, being my inspiration for sending Rey to a Jedi temple! Can't wait to delve into Force lore and what role Rey has to play to achieve balance for the galaxy!
> 
> I'm going to wait to post the next chapter on July 28th. I'm hoping to write a few chapters in that time in order to get ahead so I can resume my once-a-week schedule after that. I'm sorry about the wait. I'd like to post as fast as I can to keep the ball rolling so hopefully I can get ahead and manage that. :) 
> 
> To tide you over, the teaser is.... next chapter we have a POV change - Kylo Ren is going to be taking center stage! (Don't you miss him?) So we have that to look forward to. <3
> 
> Thanks for the comments, kudos, and shares! As always, you can find me on Twitter @HopeEternal8.


	6. To Our Memories We Cling, To Our Past We Say Goodbye

Kylo dressed slowly and deliberately as if arming himself for battle. Boots, robes, belt, cowl. Each of these he slipped on and adjusted carefully until they were just right. He couldn’t help it. Donning his many layers was a soothing ritual ever since the very first few weeks after he had joined Snoke, when he had been fresh and green and afraid. Now, even though his mask was destroyed and his master was dead, he clung to the familiar motions. Last to go on were his gloves.

Fully armed, he stepped out of the ‘fresher into his training room. It was large enough for several combatants to spar at once and equipped with floor mats and training droids. Various weapons hung on one wall. Directly opposite stretched large windows revealing the vast expanse of space. Millions of stars softly illuminated the room, and Kylo paused to regard them. The damp hair clinging to the back of his neck chilled him and he shivered. 

He stooped to pick up the training stave he had been using earlier and place it against the wall. As he straightened, his robe grazed a locked chest containing his small collection of holocrons and ancient texts. 

Suddenly the door whooshed open. Kylo jumped, his heart skipping a beat. But it was only a messenger droid delivering a holomap of the galaxy. He peered at the few dozen planets highlighted. 

“Inform the officers I’m on my way. I want a full report,” he said as the droid hovered near his shoulder. It beeped a response and zipped toward the exit.

Kylo held out his palm and his lightsaber flew to it with a snap. He hooked it onto his belt and stepped out into the hall.

As he navigated the corridors of the _Finalizer_ , he tried to make his breathing even. Despite exhausting himself this morning running through every saber form he knew, he was still a knot of anxiety. But this wouldn’t do. Panic would lead to missteps.

He was certain the only reason Hux hadn’t tried to kill him yet was lack of opportunity. In the meantime, Hux did everything in his considerable power to keep him uninvolved in First Order activities. Part of Kylo was thrilled to have as small a role in the war as possible, but the part of him that still believed in self-preservation knew this situation was dangerous. 

Kylo silently cursed. He had never wanted _any_ of this.

The doors to the bridge snapped open before him and he strode to the center console. Officers sat at their usual stations around the perimeter. A glint of pale red signaled Hux’s presence in the corner near the security station. 

“Ah, Supreme Leader, I trust you viewed the holomap?” said a woman as he approached the officers standing around the middle console. She wore a crisp teal uniform and her curly dark hair was pulled back into a neat bun under her cap. A dusting of freckles spread across her nose and cheeks. 

“I did. How long will it take to narrow the list down?” Kylo asked briskly. He cast about his memory for her name.

Another officer leaned across the computers and interrupted. “Colonel Brendir is unsure which parameters to use, sir. I suggested abundance of natural resources and a habitable climate, since I believe the Resistance has few allies to support them now.” 

Kylo frowned at him. He was a thickly-built man with broad shoulders and a heavy jaw. Also wearing teal. Another colonel. So he was Brendir’s peer. That would explain the fawning interruption. “That seems like little to go on,” he said, ignoring the petty showmanship. “How many planets did that parameter eliminate?”

“Only five,” Brendir answered quickly, shooting a withering look at her rival before he could say anything. “I assure you we have our best intelligence agents looking into this matter. We will find their base very soon.”

Kylo was skeptical. The best intelligence team in the galaxy could only do so much. There were thousands of star systems. He was tired of this chase. The sooner he ended the Resistance for good and put this war behind him, the sooner he could focus on what to do about Hux. 

Suddenly a memory tugged at his attention. He had an idea. Perhaps it was time to take matters into his own hands.

“Send the list of worlds and their systems to my datapad,” he said. “I’d like to review it later.”

Brendir nodded and punched a few commands into the computer. “It is done, sir.”

“Is there anything else?” Kylo said.

Brendir shook her head, but the annoying man interrupted again. “Sir, I would also like to report that the meeting with the Hutt representatives was unsuccessful. They are unwilling to let us traverse their territory. I informed General Hux about this disappointing news and he said he would speak with you later about it. However, I wanted to make sure to inform you myself …”

Kylo’s impatience was growing. He tuned the man out. His eyes wandered, looking for something to distract him.

A waft of conversation behind him drifted into his awareness. Amidst soft murmuring voices in the background, Kylo caught three words.

“General Organa survived.”

_“What?”_

Brendir and the male colonel jumped. Kylo ignored them and whipped his head in the direction of the voice. 

It was the officer Hux was speaking with. They both turned to stare at him.

Kylo swallowed and clenched his fists. He took a few halting steps toward the pair. “What did you say?” he asked, his voice rough.

The officer glanced up at Hux before answering, so quickly Kylo almost missed it. 

“General Leia Organa survived the attack on the _Raddus,_ sir,” the officer said, turning to Kylo. “Our previous reports were mistaken. She was positively identified through facial recognition by one of our reconnaissance droids.”

“Where?” he demanded. _“When?”_

“She was spotted 12 days ago, when we sent troops to that planet where we received the tip-off. Her present location is of course unknown.”

Kylo was speechless. For a moment he could see again the torpedo strike the bridge of the _Raddus_. He recalled the regret that gripped him when the bright light of her presence in the Force winked out. Alive? 

He wrenched his mind back to the present and attempted to smooth his expression. No one here knew who he was before becoming Kylo Ren, and he needed to keep it that way. Any unusual reaction could be cause for one of these vipers to do a little digging. He ventured a glance at Hux, and then his stomach dropped.

Hux had fixed a dangerous gaze on him, like a cat eyeing foolish prey inching closer to within its grasp. “Is her fate something of particular interest for you, Supreme Leader?” he said with a carefully controlled sneer.

Kylo thought quickly. “Of course,” he said, adopting a condescending tone. “Do you need a lesson on military hierarchy? Her death would _end_ the Resistance.”

“Certainly,” Hux replied politely. He smirked, his eyes gleaming in a way that made Kylo very uncomfortable.

Kylo forced himself to maintain eye contact, biting the inside of his cheek to still the quiver he could feel starting around his mouth. Moments like this made him regret destroying his helmet. He was vulnerable, exposed. He looked down and feigned adjusting his gloves.

“Interesting news,” Kylo said after a moment, “but ultimately irrelevant. We have a promising list of planets, one of which is surely hosting the Resistance base.” He paused. “They will all be dead soon.”

Then he turned on his heel and practically ran from the room. 

   
…  
   
 

Kylo stumbled into his private quarters and leaned against the wall next to the door as it whooshed shut. He took a moment to catch his breath. Then he looked down. His right hand was cradled to his chest. He slowly peeled off his glove, wincing. His knuckles were bloody and throbbing.

“Master, are you okay?”

Kylo looked up. A silver protocol droid identified as RN-75 entered his sitting room from the entrance to the left that led to the small dining area. 

RN was a reluctant acquisition Kylo indulged in after assuming the role of Supreme Leader. Hux had insisted he needed a personal assistant to keep track of all his responsibilities. At first Kylo had balked, but then he had taken special care to choose one himself instead of accepting the one Hux offered to him. Any seemingly helpful suggestion from the general was surely a concealed act of sabotage. 

In the intervening weeks, he had grown accustomed to having the droid around. Turns out it was useful to have someone to tell him when meetings were and remind him to shower.

“I’m fine,” he said, pushing himself away from the wall. “Can you get the med kit, though?”

“Certainly.”

The droid disappeared into the ‘fresher directly across from the door and Kylo took a seat on one of the long dark couches facing each other across a kaf table in the middle of his sitting room. After a few minutes, RN returned with a handful of towels and a box of medical supplies. Kylo took a towel and dabbed at his hand, wincing.

“Is there glass again, Master? Should I call for a surgical droid?”

Kylo shook his head. “No. It’s just bruised.” He ripped a bacta pack open with his teeth and applied it to his bleeding knuckles before wrapping his hand in gauze. “I do need a cold gelwrap, though. And lock the door with my special code.”

His sitting room doubled as an office, so it was common for officers to seek him out here when he was not on the bridge. It was probably better for unsuspecting officers that they not be able to reach him today.

RN cracked open a gelwrap for him and after a few seconds the unpleasant throb in his hand lessened as the gelwrap radiated soothing cold. Kylo leaned back against the couch. His could hear his heart beating in his ears and something ached in the back of his throat. He pressed his hand to his chest and drew a shaky breath. RN was standing near the couch, just looking at him.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” she asked after a moment, her vocabulator rising in concern. “It’s not just your hand. You look unwell.”

Kylo grimaced. This droid had a little too much personality programmed into her. It was almost as if she _mothered_ him.

“You know what happened,” he said softly, adjusting the wrapping on his hand. “I got angry and smashed things.” He paused and then looked at RN. “Come here. I need my key.”

RN dutifully stepped closer and extended her arm toward Kylo. His uninjured hand pressed a hidden spot on her forearm that covertly scanned his fingerprint. There was a small click and a panel in her shiny cover popped open. Kylo reached inside and dug out a key. It was a crude, physical key that would fit into a mechanical lock.

Kylo had scoured the galaxy for years looking for such an antiquated device. A few years back he had found one on some dilapidated planet in the Outer Rim. He had installed it on the door to his bedroom, and kept the key itself in a hidden panel in the wall of his ‘fresher. Shortly after acquiring RN, he had built a fingerprint-protected panel in her arm to house the key instead. It was safe with her. 

He didn’t even allow cleaning droids access to his bedroom. Once he had overheard a few of them mutter in binary at the absurdity of the sentient who insisted on putting away his own clothes and making his own bed. But Kylo didn’t mind. It was worth it.

The best security in the galaxy was the most unexpected. Even the most highly encrypted security device could be hacked by someone if given enough time. But no one knew anything about how to pick old mechanical locks anymore. When he first got the lock, he liked to think even Snoke would struggle to enter his bedroom. But he had found out soon enough that not even a mechanical lock could keep Snoke from reaching him there. 

Kylo felt his heart start racing again. He huffed in exasperation. Snoke is dead. The voice that could invade his mind anywhere had been silent for three months now, and would remain so. 

He closed RN’s secret panel and pushed himself up from the sofa. He navigated around it to the door off the right side of the sitting room and unlocked it. Once inside, he shut the door behind him and let out a sigh. 

His bedroom was small and sparse. Just a narrow bed pushed up against an exterior wall, a small table next to it, and a closet with clothes and linens. A window stretched across the wall over his bed, white stars peppered against the black. The table held a standard-issue datapad and a small toppling pile of worn books. The books were treasured by Kylo but held little value. In fact, nothing in this room was valuable.

On the opposite wall was the reason he cared so much about locks.

Dozens of pieces of paper of various sizes were taped to the wall opposite his bed. They were small ink sketches scrawled out with a steady hand on scraps of paper, some yellowed and curled with age interspersed among brighter, crisper newcomers.

Kylo paused to let his eyes travel a familiar path over the images. They depicted all sorts of things. Birds, ships, speeders. Gadgets gifted by an idolized uncle. Snapshot scenes from alien planets. A droid.

After a moment, something close to a smile crossed his face. His heartbeat returned to normal speed and a blanket of weariness descended in place of tightly-wound anxiety. He tore his eyes away from the wall to remove his remaining glove and his outer layers, leaving only a light tunic and trousers. He threw everything down the laundry shoot and kicked off his boots. Then he collapsed on his bed and picked up the datapad.

His eyes trailed over the notification blinking in the corner. He knew he could do it. He could find the Resistance base right now using this list, as long as they were indeed on one of these planets. He had seen Luke do it once, long ago. It was only a matter of scanning the list with his mind and letting the Force guide him to the truth. 

Kylo sat up straighter. He lifted a hand over the datapad and emptied his mind.

He was extremely out of practice with all Force powers that involved surrender. For years the Force had obeyed him, not the other way around. Yet the years of persistent discipline as a Jedi padawan ingrained something in him that he could never completely forget. It took a few tries, but eventually he felt himself slip into another state of consciousness, one in which something other than himself held all control.

He asked it to show him his mother.

The datapad started pinging as the list scrolled slowly through the names. It was slow at first, then picked up speed.

There.

Kylo opened his eyes. Deep in the list, number fifty-seven was selected, its name framed by a gray bar that stretched the length of the application.

Cophrigin 5.

Kylo stared at it. The sensation of his heartbeat pounding in his ears returned. 

He knew she was there. Every cell in his body hummed with certainty that this was the planet. And he would use this information. There was no question. It was too vital not to use.

He would use this information to make sure that the First Order never found them.

The traitorous words rang in Kylo’s skull, almost as if someone else had said them, but no; it was his own thought. For an instant, he was afraid. But he again recalled the moment that torpedo hit the bridge. 

Killing his father had been a mistake. Even before Snoke died, he was certain of that. The death of his mother, that was something he would never allow.

He threw the datapad onto his bed and rested his head in his hands.

There was a small knock at the door. “Master, do you want me to call for food? It’s very late for lunch.” RN’s voice was muffled coming through the steel.

“No. I’m not hungry.”

“Would you like me to cancel the rest of your meetings for the day?”

Kylo considered. He was hesitant to give Hux more reasons to believe him incompetent, but he was also decidedly not in the mood to be harassed by administrative duties. He sighed. “Yeah. Just tell Hux he can stuff it.”

RN paused. “Okay. I’ll tell him a more appropriate version of that. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.”

There was no sound of the droid moving away from the door. Kylo hesistated.

“Arren?”

“Yes, sir.”

“My mother is still alive. I just found out.”

There was a pause and Kylo could hear RN’s gears whirring as she shifted behind the door. “That is good news, sir.” Her voice shifted to an approximation of reprimand. “And it is the _only_ good excuse you have ever produced to explain one of your bouts of smashing things.”

Kylo picked his head up from his hands and shot a puzzled look in the direction of the closed door.

“I don’t understand the feelings organics get about such things as _family_ ,” RN continued, “but my protocol suggests that would be a very emotional thing to learn.”

A laugh escaped Kylo’s chest. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

He heard RN retreat. He stared for a few more minutes at the wall of drawings. Then he reached toward the small table. Out of the drawer tucked into one side, he pulled out his treasured ink pen and a scrap piece of paper. A light scratching sound filled the room. A scene with two figures he had never dared to draw before emerged. He taped it to the wall.

   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... the beginning where Kylo is dressing slowly and dramatically is inspired by the scene in The Two Towers where Theoden is dressing dramatically before the Battle of Helm's Deep. Something about the gravity, the drama, the hopelessness of that scene seemed right. 
> 
> [First Order rank](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Rank_insignia_of_the_First_Order) is shown by the uniform color.
> 
> The Force power he uses to find Cophrigin 5 in the list is inspired by the episode in Rebels where Kanaan teaches Ezra to do something similar to find his parents in an electronic list.
> 
> Lastly.... ahhhh... Kylo's drawings. I hope that didn't come off TOO cute, but it seems a really logical step away from the practically canon idea that [he does calligraphy](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ben_Solo%27s_calligraphy_set). When you've written your own name several hundred times in fancy script, makes sense to me that you might dabble a bit in sketching things as well. It's my headcanon that Snoke would have never allowed him to have any sort of personal affects from his past life so he would have drawn little pictures of things he remembers fondly to hold on to sanity in a very controlling environment.
> 
> ...
> 
> Thanks for the comments, kudos and shares! Next chapter should be ready either August 4th or 5th. In the meantime, you can find me on Twitter @HopeEternal8. See you next weekend!


	7. Know More, Know Less

The air was filled with soft crunching sounds as Rey and Rose picked their way through fallen leaves and underbrush toward the crumbling stone structure ahead. Through the thinning tree trunks they could just barely pick out the top of the pyramid structure, its unnatural shape a stark contrast to its wild setting.

Rey shifted the sweaty straps of the pack on her shoulders and then paused for a moment, waiting for Rose to catch up to her. She pulled a water canteen out of the side of her pack and drank greedily, the cold liquid shocking her throat as it went down. She felt life reviving inside her.

“Thank the stars we’re here,” Rose said as she stomped up to stand beside Rey, her hair sticking to her face. “I was beginning to think we should give up and go back to base.”

Rey laughed. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“Speak for yourself. I haven’t been this sweaty since… well, I don’t think I’ve ever been this sweaty,” Rose said, wrinkling her nose.

“Try living in the desert,” Rey said. She offered Rose the canteen. “The air feels strange though. Hard to breathe somehow.”

Rose nodded vigorously as she gulped water, some of it spilling down her neck. “Yes,” she said, handing the canteen back to Rey and wiping her face with her shirt. “That’s what I’m complaining about! It’s water in the air. Humidity. It’s got to be way worse than the desert.”

“I don’t know about that,” Rey said, but she offered a smile of sympathy.

Just ahead the trees stopped completely, opening up into an empty grassy lawn around the base of the temple. They set their heavy packs down at the edge of the trees.

At Leia’s urging, they had brought two days’ worth of food and supplies to make a camp if necessary, as Rey had not been sure how far away the temple was. Now Rey felt relief that they probably wouldn’t need such provisions. It had only been a four-hour hike and most likely they would be able to make it back before nightfall.

Now that they were here, Rey felt sudden reluctance to explore the temple. She peered at the strange stones, each larger than a speeder, piled on top of each other to dizzying height and covered in moss and tangles of vines. Then her stomach rumbled. 

“Why don’t we eat lunch before going closer?” she suggested.

Rose shot her a sideways look and laughed. “Sure, I heard that noise. I know what it means.”

They sat down in the long grass and pulled out their food, simple bread and cheese and salted meats. After a few minutes of chewing in contented silence, Rose turned to Rey with a serious look.

“What are you hoping to find here?” she asked.

Rey finished her mouthful. “I don’t know exactly. Something that will help me understand the Force. Something that will help the Resistance.”

Suddenly Rey glimpsed movement out of the corner of her eye. She whipped her head toward the temple to look closer, but she couldn’t see anything. 

“Rey?” 

“I – I thought I saw something moving by the temple,” she said.

Rose turned her attention there too. “Where?”

Rey didn’t answer. She ran her gaze over the stones rising like steps and the arch on one side that made an opening. Nothing but moss and trailing weeds.

But _there._

Rey gasped. “Do you see it?” She pointed. “On the far side of the arch, something is sort of… crawling over the steps. Oh.” 

Whatever it was, it disappeared over the side of the steps.

“That didn’t move like a goat,” Rose said slowly. She reached her hand into her pack and pulled out her blaster.

“No,” Rey said, squinting. “It looked almost human. But somehow different -”

_CRASH._

Rey’s heart nearly stopped and she jumped to her feet. Rose was right next to her.

“What was that?” Rose asked. “A branch falling?”

“Perhaps.” Rey grabbed her blaster too. She shook her head and let out a sigh. “We’re being silly. I’m going to look. Whatever it is, _whoever_ it is, we can handle it.”

She strode over towards the arch at the opening of the temple, keeping her eyes peeled for any sign of movement, Rose close behind. As she neared the arch, she slowed down. 

The doorway and the uneven stone steps leading up to it were partially shaded by a messy tangle of overgrown bramble threatening to take over the area in front of the temple. Several trees reached over the clearing to brush the sides of the temple as well. Rey eyed the shadows cast near the entrance suspiciously. Then she heard a rustling noise, making her heart jump up into her throat. Closer, closer she stalked.

Another crash made her jump, but then she spotted the source of the noise. She laughed. 

“Rose, what is _that?”_

She had seen pictures of something like the creature when she was young, but she didn’t know the name for it. It looked like a small, hairy little human with a funny flat face and big expressive eyes. It hunched over a small piece of fruit it had clearly picked from the bushes, using its feet as well as its hands to pick out the little seeds and eat the watery flesh. 

Rose laughed too. “It’s some sort of monkey, I think.”

The monkey looked up at them unconcerned and then after a moment gathered its fruit and gracefully scaled the side of the temple and leaped into the overhanging branches of a nearby tree. Rey could see several other monkeys in the trees around them, now that she was looking for such a thing. They were very quiet, but every once in a while one jumped from one tree to another, making the alarming crashing sound they had heard.

“Well, that got my heart pumping,” Rey said. “Time to go in, I suppose.” She holstered her blaster and peered toward the dark arch. “One problem though. Did we bring any sort of light?”

Rose nodded. “I have something in my bag, let me go get it.”

Minutes later they stood in front of the arch, Rey with a flashlight in her hand. Try as she might, she couldn’t see anything through the dark arch. It was odd. She had no idea whether there was a room inside, a hallway, a dead end.

“I guess I should go in,” Rey said. “It’s why we came.” She turned to Rose. “I don’t think you should come though, Rose. I think I have to do this alone.”

Rose raised her brows. “Oh, I’m not going in there.” Then she lowered her voice. “What should I do if you…. If you need help?”

Rey gulped. “Uhm. I won’t. Don’t worry about it.” She flashed a smile. “I’ll be out. Take a nap or something, enjoy the day off from the base while you have a chance.”

Rose frowned. “If you don’t come out, I’m coming in. So I guess let that be your motivation to get out.”

“I don’t think I need motivation to get out,” Rey said. “I need motivation to go in.” She turned back toward the temple, and stared at it for a few more seconds, inwardly chastising herself for being so nervous about it. Then she hopped up the few crumbling stone steps and walked into the darkness.

Immediately a wave of cool air hit her, making her gasp. She turned on her flashlight and shone it about.

She was in a very large room with slanted stone walls, echoing the pyramid shape from outside. The ceiling came to a point high above her. It seemed that this room took up the entire pyramid structure except for one thing. Directly in front of her across the expanse of the room was a low, dark opening cut into the wall.

“Kriff, I’m going to have to go in there,” Rey muttered, resigning herself to her fate. 

Putting off the moment as long as she could, she ran her light along the walls to the left of her and realized that there was some sort of writing on them. She stepped closer to examine it. Tall, angular letters were painted in rows along all of the walls. It wasn’t in any language she had ever seen before. 

Engrossed in the letters, it took Rey a few seconds before she realized something odd was happening with the air. It swirled around her strangely, tugging and pulling at her clothes in an unnatural way. Then Rey heard the voices. It was hard to hear over her pounding heartbeat, but there were voices muttering and whispering in the swirling air.

If she hadn’t experienced something similar on Ahch-To, she would have been terrified. Instead she was merely puzzled.

She walked along the inside wall, carefully avoiding the ominous opening in the far side and crossing over to the other side, shining her beam as she went. The swirling and tugging wind went with her, as did the voices. 

There was writing everywhere, but she could read none of it. The Jedi and their annoying obsession with secrecy! How was she supposed to learn anything from this place if she couldn’t read anything?

Frustrated, she eyed the dark opening. She pointed her light to it. Of course it illuminated nothing. She stepped closer. It was shaped like a door but was about two feet too short. How odd. Short enough she couldn’t stand to walk through it and tall enough that she didn’t need to crawl. She crouched over uncomfortably and stepped through.

The dark entrance gave way to a long tunnel that remained the same height. Rey hunched over to avoid scraping her head along the ceiling. Her back began to ache as she went deeper and deeper. How deep could this go? The temple wasn’t that long from the outside. Suddenly the low passage ended and Rey stepped into another room. She straightened and looked around. 

This room was also very dark, but there were several holes high up in the ceiling that let beams of light shine down to the floor. Rey squinted, trying to get her eyes to adjust to the light and rubbing her back, when she spotted a hooded figure standing under a beam of light in the center of the room. She gasped and laid a hand on her blaster.

The figure made no movement and for a second Rey wondered if it was a statue. But then it spoke. 

“Who are you?” the figure asked in a low, musical voice.

Rey paused. “I’m Rey. Who are you? What are you doing here?”

“It is you who have entered my home. Therefore I get to ask what you are doing here.”

Home? Rey pondered this. Surely nobody lived in this creepy place. This couldn’t be real. It must be some sort of Force... thing. She decided to be honest. “I have come here to learn.”

“Learn? Very good,” the figure said. “What do you wish to learn?”

“I want to learn how to use the Force,” Rey said.

“What will you use it for?”

Rey hesitated. “To help my friends. To defeat the First Order.”

“Are you in a war?” the voice asked.

“Yes.”

“And what do you know about war?”

“Not a lot,” Rey said. “That’s why I need help.”

The figure nodded. “And you want to help your friends. That is a very good reason to learn about the Force. I think I can help you.” The figure turned and gestured toward a stone pedestal Rey didn’t notice before, illuminated by another beam. “Would you be interested in a game?”

Rey looked at the pedestal, confused. “Will it help my friends?”

The hood of the person shifted as they swiveled their head to face Rey, still standing by the tunnel. “That depends on you.”

Rey sighed and strode over to the pedestal, illuminated and then plunged into darkness in turns as she crossed the stone floor to meet the figure. She placed herself opposite the hooded figure and stared at the top of the pedestal. 

It looked much like the dejarik table on the Falcon, only much larger and with squares and spheres laid out in a different pattern. The figure gestured again and the table came to life, holoscreens appearing before Rey and the figure and holoprojections of planets and ships appearing scattered across the board.

“The blue ships and planets belong to you; the green ones belong to me,” the hooded man said. Now that Rey was closer to him she realized he was wearing a mask beneath his hood. “The computer will show us a selection of scenarios and you choose your course of action. Once you choose, the outcome will be revealed. Make too many wrong choices, and all your people will die.”

Rey nodded, trying to remember all of that.

“Listen carefully,” the figure said, laying a hand on the board and causing a planet to light up. “You decipher an intercepted code and learn two things about your enemy. A single spot in their defense will be at its weakest in ten days, and they will attack your planet in five days. What will you do?”

Three selections appeared on the holoscreen in front of Rey.

> 1\. Prepare to attack the enemy weakness and do nothing to protect the endangered planet.  
>  2\. Evacuate your endangered planet, alerting the enemy to the fact that you deciphered their code and causing them to reinforce their only weak point.  
>  3\. Attempt to both reinforce your endangered planet and muster an attack on the enemy weakness.

“Obviously three,” Rey said. “That’s the only one that makes sense.” 

The figure gestured and the board rearranged. Half of her planets, including the one that had been in danger, turned to green. A counter in the corner of her holoscreen indicated lives lost were in the billions. “You spread your forces too thin and therefore you lost both your endangered planet and many others after failing miserably to attack the enemy’s weak point, which they managed to reinforce.”

Rey flushed in embarrassment. But she _had_ said she didn’t know much about war.

“Since you are here to learn, would you like to select one of the other options and see the outcome?”

“Yes,” Rey said. She stared at the array of planets and ships. “I – I guess it’s better to get the people on that planet to safety and avoid provoking the enemy for now. Live to fight another day." Her eyes trailed over the lost planet. "It’s not worth it to lose so many lives.” She looked back up at the hooded figure. “So I’d like to choose number two.”

The figure waved a hand and the board changed again. This time it was almost overwhelming green, life lost counter even higher.

Rey huffed in annoyance. “What happened this time?” she asked. “This doesn’t seem fair.”

The hooded figure shook his head. “This game is controlled by highly realistic probability functions. Whether it is fair or not, it is very accurate to real life. You alerted the enemy to the broken code, and while the people on the endangered planet were safe for a time, the enemy shored up their only weakness and the war dragged on far beyond when it might have. Therefore billions more were killed on your side.”

Rey stared at the hologram, wrestling with herself. “And what about option one? What happens if I choose that?”

With a wave of his hand the whole board changed again. Blue forces had advanced to cover about three quarters of the board, although the endangered planet had turned green. Life lost counter was small, less than one billion. “You lost that planet, and in fact every single person on it was killed. However, you greatly weakened your enemy and the tide turned in the war. Because of your decisive action, you are positioned to win if you continue to make such choices.”

Rey frowned. “Are you telling me that the right thing to do is to purposely allow a bunch of innocent people to die if it means I win?”

“I am not telling you anything,” the figure replied. “Merely showing you the outcomes of various choices.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Have you learned nothing about war from this exercise?”

Rey bit her lip and studied the table, her eyes lingering over the lives lost counter. “All I’ve learned is that there are no good choices in war.”

The hooded figure nodded. “That’s something at least, but there’s more.” He waved his hand and the whole table winked out.

Rey blinked in confusion. The hooded figure came around the edge of the table closer to Rey. She stepped back and rested her hand on her blaster. But the figure only began to speak.

“You are fighting in a battle and you see your friend near you, about to be killed. Yet 200 yards away sits a switch that will activate the battle droids fighting on your side. What do you do? Jump to your friend’s aid, or leave your friend to her fate and activate the switch that will guarantee victory?”

Rey paused. “I – I think I know what you want me to say, but I would save my friend. Of course. Maybe we could get to the switch after saving her.”

“In the same moment that you save your friend,” the figure said, looming closer, “heavy artillery strikes the switch and destroys it. There is no other way to activate the droids. You and your friend are gunned down together, as are the rest of your forces.”

Rey stepped back. “That’s not… fair. You’re just making this stuff up.”

“You discover where the families of your enemy reside. Do you attack them to put pressure on your enemy to end the war sooner?”

Rey gaped. “I – I don’t know. What do you mean, like attack their children? No, that can’t be right.”

“One week after your decision, your enemy attacks your own homeworld, killing your family. They were willing to do anything to protect their own, Rey.”

Rey opened her mouth to interject but the hooded man plowed on, his words coming quicker the more hypotheticals he posed.

“One of your friends is a leader in the enemy army. You are the only one who can kill him. You are given orders to take him out in order to end the war. Do you do it?”

Rey blinked. “How do you –" She cut herself off and glared at him. “Of course not.”

“What do you do, then?”

By this point Rey was totally confused. “I don’t know what I should do in any of these situations. And I don’t think I want to answer these questions anymore.”

“Answer them or not, Rey,” the figure replied. “But if you insert yourself in a war, these are the choices you will face.”

The hooded man turned abruptly and strode away from Rey towards the center of the room. She couldn’t move, frozen with shock.

“What have you learned?”

Rey opened her mouth but nothing came out. The war had seemed so simple before this moment. Protect those you love. Yet all of her choices had been wrong. It didn’t make sense. She sighed. “Every choice has consequences,” she said finally. 

“That’s a start. Think these things over carefully, Rey, and you will be able to help your friends win this war.”

   
   
***  
 

“Another dead end,” said Rey wistfully. She was sitting near the edge of the trees outside the temple, absentmindedly snapping sticks in half.

Rose sat nearby her and shot her a sympathetic look. “Maybe not. Maybe we just don’t understand yet what the Force was telling you in there.”

Rey studied her boots. The man’s words echoed in her head. _They were willing to do anything to protect their own, Rey._ But perhaps Rose was right. The Force was mysterious. Maybe the answer was deeper than what the hooded figure seemed to propose. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe the problem was _her._ Yet another failed attempt at understanding her place in the galaxy. Her mood didn’t escape her friend.

“Rey – come on. I wish you had an amazing Jedi Master teaching you and things were easier. But you know, it’s not everything.”

“How can you say that?” Rey said, her voice rising in impatience. “How close is the Resistance to extinction? They need me.” She stopped and corrected herself. “Well, they need a Jedi. I’m just all that’s left. It’s the only way they can hope to counter Kylo Ren and the overwhelming numbers of the First Order.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Rose asked, squinting at Rey.

“What?”

“That if you don’t become some amazing Force-wielding legend like Skywalker, then you can’t be the hero the Resistance needs?”

Rey paused, considering. “Well….” She cut herself off. She sort of _did_ believe that. 

Rose huffed. “Look, I’m not just jealous, but what is the Force anyways? It’s great that you can lift rocks and stuff, but obviously that’s not what it means to be a hero. That’s not why the Jedi inspire people.”

Rey flushed and blinked back the tears threatening to fill her eyes.

Rose softened her tone. “I mean, think about Ben.”

“I _am_ thinking about him,” Rey replied. “That’s a big part of the problem!”

Rose snorted. “What I mean is he’s fantastic at using the Force. But is he a hero, Rey?”

Tears really did come then. Rey dropped her eyes to the ground and shook her head. “Of course not.”

“So there’s a lot more to it than amazing Force powers,” Rose said.

“Like what?”

Rose leaned back on her hands and gazed off toward the trees. “Well, I don’t know. A lot of things. Love, courage. Hope when things look hopeless. That’s a big one.” Rose grabbed a stick and started snapping it in half too. “That’s why I think Leia’s a hero.”

“Your sister,” Rey said. “She was a hero.”

Rose nodded. “Yep, I’d say so. She gave her life for us. And she didn’t have the Force.” She pushed herself up to her feet and brushed her hands off on her pants. “I think your gift is special, and good. But you can be a hero and inspire with or without it. So maybe don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be the perfect Jedi.” 

Rey peered up at her, squinting a bit because the sun was lowering behind Rose. “I’m still really confused about what the Force wants,” she said after a moment.

“I know,” said Rose. “Me too. But unless you want to camp out here with the monkeys, we better start back. We’ve got time to figure it all out.”

   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took a little longer than I said! I had a totally different idea for this chapter, got halfway through writing it, and then scrapped it and started over. But I had fun with this one!
> 
> Events inside the temple were heavily inspired by a particular scene in the [Knights of the Old Republic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars:_Knights_of_the_Old_Republic) game. In fact the wording in the first war scenario is almost word-for-word from the game, and the other scenarios were inspired by it. I'm not a huge gamer but if you've never played it and you're a Star Wars fan, I highly recommend playing through it at least once! It's got a fascinating plot with tons of interesting takes on relevant Star Wars themes like redemption, Jedi/Sith, war ethics, and the nature of the Force. 
> 
> I didn't just make the monkeys up, they are known fauna on [Cophrigin 5](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Cophrigin_V). Thought they should make an appearance along with the goats we saw already. :)
> 
> I've got a new beta reader helping and she is valiantly trying to catch up to the chapter I'm on now, so I'm going to delay the next chapter until the weekend of the 18th. But after that we should be rolling. I've got to get this whole thing done at least before Ep. IX comes out, right? Sheesh.
> 
> Thanks for reading and let me know what you thought in the comments or on Twitter @HopeEternal8.


	8. No Perfect Machine

The sun was just starting to go down behind the trees when Rey and Rose arrived at the base. The heat had lessened slightly and a welcome breeze wafted over from the southern grasslands. They stomped through the underbrush and into the clearing and halted, staring at the frenzied activity all around them.

People darted to and fro on urgent errands across the wide space between the buildings. In the middle, a large canvas tent stretched across the way, flapping gently in the gusts of warm wind. Under the tent were a table and chairs occupied by Leia, Poe, Faeda, and a handful of officers. The weather had been so warm in the last few weeks that Leia had taken to meeting with leaders outside rather than in the unbearably stuffy hall. 

Fading sunlight glinted off C-3PO’s outer covering as he stood near Leia’s elbow. “As wonderful as this update is, Prin – I mean, General, I feel I must remind you that the First Order’s forces still outnumber ours at a rate of 8,974 to 1.”

Rey could just barely hear his voice over the bustle of the crowd. 

“I can’t argue with the guy,” Faeda said, gesturing toward 3PO and leaning around Poe to fix her eyes on Leia. “I’m doing my best to put all the new pilots through the paces so we’ll be ready for action, but our numbers are still abysmal.”

“Numbers aren’t everything, but we’d be fools to ignore them completely,” Poe said, a look of resignation crossing his face as he shifted in his seat next to Leia. “We have the beginnings of a real fleet again, but we need to tread carefully.” He paused. “Their position over Mandalore is what worries me.”

Leia nodded. “That is a serious problem.”

“You don’t really think the Mandalorians would join them,” Faeda said, her voice rising in disbelief. “They don’t take kindly to outside forces interfering with their sovereignty. Never have.”

Poe raked a hand through his hair. “With the way things have been going lately, they might not have a choice.” Suddenly he spotted Rey and Rose coming towards them and smiled. 

Leia followed his line of sight and saw them too. She waved them over.

“We need to know what the First Order is up to over there,” Leia said, turning back to Poe as Rey and Rose neared the table and halted a short distance away. “And in the meantime, we need to expand our facilities here. Baziin’s already started arranging for more barracks to be built, but we need to find more equipment for everyone, particularly ships.”

Faeda and Poe nodded in agreement.

“Now, excuse me for a moment,” Leia said to them. She left the table and headed for Rey and Rose, who had thrown their packs on the ground. As she joined them, Rey saw a Rodian lean over the table and engage Faeda and Poe in conversation.

“You’re back in one piece,” Leia said cheerfully. “Did you find it?”

“We did," Rey replied. "About four hours directly south.” 

A sudden thought struck her. She was usually so busy wishing Luke or Ben could help her with the Force, but now here was Leia. The general may not have had Jedi training, but she did know the Force. And she had great wisdom of other kinds.

Rey recounted everything that the hooded man inside the temple had said. Leia listened intently. Rey expected her to be excited at her account of the temple, but Leia frowned.

“What is it?” Rey asked.

“It just seems _odd,”_ Leia said. “All those military scenarios, asking you to choose. I wonder what the Force wants you to learn from that.”

Now it was Rey’s turn to frown. She chewed on her lip as she struggled to recall the vision. “I think all of my choices were wrong. I should have been thinking about the bigger picture of the war, and instead I was always focused on individuals.”

“Perhaps,” Leia said. “But I wonder what choices I would have made had I been in your place.” She paused. “I’m not sure I would have done anything different than you.”

Rey opened her mouth to question further, but Leia interrupted. “We’ll have to think about it more. But in the meantime, there’s something I need you girls to do for me.”

“What is it?” Rose asked.

“We have someone joining us that – oh.”

Leia cut herself off as a loud sound boomed from above their heads. Everyone on the lawn jerked their heads upwards to look for the source of the noise. An unusual looking starfighter appeared directly overhead. It was highly stylized, all sleek chrome curves and points, with black stripes painted along its wings. A huge gust of air hit the base in its wake.

Rey gasped. “Did that ship just –“ 

“No way,” said Rose. 

Leia laughed. “Perfect timing. Girls, wait here, please. Our guest has arrived.”

The general strode toward the starfighter as it landed smoothly in the empty clearing a few paces away. The pilot’s hatch opened and a figure in a silver flightsuit almost as flashy as the ship itself hopped down from it briskly. Then the figure ripped off the reflective white and gray helmet, nimbly navigating around his Togruta montrals, to reveal his face. _Her face,_ Rey realized. For the pilot was in fact a female with blue skin and white markings across her cheeks.

Leia reached out and wrapped her arms around the pilot in greeting. “Valen, you rogue. Always showing off. You didn’t have to scare everyone, though.” Leia pulled back from the embrace and held the pilot’s shoulders at arm’s length so she could look at her. “That was incredibly dangerous. What would your mother say, hmm?”

The pilot laughed. “You told me to arrive with the utmost discretion. Ending my hyperspace jump in-atmosphere was the best way to keep your base hidden, was it not?” she chided in a raspy, delicate voice. She grinned at Leia, her sea-green eyes shining. “And you know perfectly well mum’s the one who taught me to do that.”

“Uh-huh,” Leia replied, rolling her eyes. “I guess I’ll be the one to worry about you, then.” She led the newcomer over to the table and introduced her to the officers standing around it.

Rey shared a look of puzzlement with Rose. Then she jerked with a start as Leia pulled the pilot away from the officers and led her over to them.

“Rey, Rose, this is Valen Medo. Her mother is a dear friend who served in the New Republic Senate with me for many years.”

Rey nodded, feeling oddly shy under that cool green gaze. Cool was the right word, Rey realized. She had never met anyone as cool as this pilot. 

Valen seemed unaware of Rey’s nervousness, or maybe she was just used to prompting reactions of awe from strangers. She stuck out her hand to greet both Rey and Rose in turn. 

“Rose Tico comes from a proud family of Resistance heroes and is one of our best mechanics,” Leia said, “and Rey, well, you name it, she can do it. She’s a fantastic mechanic and pilot, and she’s saved our butts a few times already in the few months since she joined us.”

“Nice to meet you both,” Valen said.

“Girls,” Leia said, turning to them, “I know you just got back from your journey and you probably want to wash up and get something to eat. But would you do me a favor and take Valen with you? Get her a bunk in the dorms and show her the mess hall.”

“Of course,” Rose said, nodding.

“Then please bring her to the meeting hall at 8.” Leia turned back to Valen. “I’m sorry to put you to work so quickly, but we weren’t kidding when we said we needed you.” Valen waved her hands. “It’s no problem at all. I have my gear in the ship, though. It will take time to set it up–“

“Don’t worry about that,” Leia said. “Just get your personal stuff. I’ll have someone unload the rest of it and set it up in the meeting hall while you’re eating.”

For a moment Valen looked like she wanted to protest, and Leia laughed. 

“I promise,” Leia added, “our communications officer will be able to handle it. No one would _dream_ to operate it in your place, but he can surely plop it on a table just as well as you, my dear.”

   
   
***  
 

Rey fiddled with the straps of her pack, trying to distract herself from the awkward silence that had descended as they led Valen to the barracks. She glanced at Rose and was surprised to find that Rose didn’t look like she felt this was awkward at all. She had a bright smile on her face. 

“So,” Rose said cheerfully, looking over her shoulder at Valen following a few paces behind them, lugging her own bag. “Where are you from?”

“Shili,” she replied.

“I’m from Hays Minor,” Rose said, “and Rey is from Jakku.”

Valen raised her brows. “Hays Minor?” Her cheerful expression melted away, replaced with something more somber. They reached the door to the girls’ barracks and paused outside. “I’m sorry about what happened there.”

Surprise flashed over Rose’s face. “You know about it?”

“My mum was a Senator for twenty years,” Valen said, nodding. “You could say politics is in our blood.” She paused. “And war.”

Rose gazed at Valen thoughtfully, and then waved a hand. “Come on, we’ll get you a bunk.”

The girls entered the dorms and Rey threw her bag down next to her bunk. She leaned over the bed to part the curtains hanging over the little window above it, hoping to get some crossbreeze as evening descended.

“This one’s not being used,” Rose said to Valen, gesturing to a bunk. “I’ll get you some linens from the supply room just here.”

She left the room and Valen threw her bag onto the bunk and looked around. Catching Rey’s eye, she said “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of Jakku. What’s it like?”

Rey thought for a moment before answering. “It’s mostly desert,” she said, “some junk trading and other unsavory things are the main economy. At least I think so.” She smiled sheepishly. “I don’t know much about it myself.”

Valen gave her a quizzical look. 

“I was just a scavenger,” Rey explained. “Didn’t know much about the larger galaxy until I ran into some people from the Resistance. And now here I am.”

“Here you are,” Valen echoed with a smile.

Rose reentered the room with some blankets and Valen began making her bed as the other girls unpacked their bags from the journey.

“Shili has been under pressure from the First Order for years,” Valen said, smoothing a blanket over her bunk. “The resistance there hasn’t been going so well.” She turned and flopped down on her bunk, waiting for Rose and Rey to finish unpacking. “It was hard to leave, but when my mum heard what Leia was working on, she convinced me to join you. Said this rebellion plan of yours might be the galaxy’s last hope.”

Rey froze with a hand halfway outstretched to grab a pair of pants from her bag. She looked at Valen. The young Togruta had such a somber expression on her face that it pierced Rey’s heart. They were all here for the same reason. She offered the newcomer a smile. Valen returned it.

After everyone finished unpacking, the girls moved toward the exit.

“Let’s get something to eat,” Rose said, and it wasn’t long before the mood between them was light again.

   
   
***  
 

The meeting hall was dark inside, but there was equipment and people everywhere. All the chairs that normally filled the hall were stacked along one wall, and in their place stood a tall and incredibly bright light stand pointed toward an empty stool in front of a backdrop. Rey squinted her eyes trying to adjust to the high contrast scene. Stacks of crates and strange equipment clustered around the lighted area, plastic and metal casing glinting in the light. 

As soon as they entered, Valen took off towards the equipment at top speed. Apparently they had set it up all wrong. Rey and Rose hung back in the shadows and were almost run over by someone pushing some large equipment on a repulsorlift. After a moment, they spotted Finn talking to Poe and looking over a datapad in his hand.

“What’s going on?” Rey asked as they approached them. 

Finn looked up from his datapad, but it was Poe who answered them. “We just recorded Finn’s message to the stormtroopers. Now we need Valen to work her magic to tap into the First Order’s internal HoloNet system in order to interrupt their nightly propaganda videos.”

Rey looked at Finn, bursting with questions. She hadn’t realized he was going to record a message this evening. He offered a weak smile to her and Rose. “I hope it goes over well,” he said.

Suddenly there was a sparking sound and the light flickered. Rey jumped and turned toward the source of the sound.

“Kriff, I blew a fuse,” Valen said, her voice muffled by her position crouching under a strange piece of equipment. 

“Someone go grab Chewie,” Leia said, backing away from Valen as several members of the tech crew swarmed around her.

“Wait, let me look at it,” Rose said, stepping forward. Rey followed.

“Ah, girls,” said Leia. “You’re here too. Perfect. Give them some space.”

The tech crew backed away and Rose knelt next to Valen, pulling out a small flashlight and pointing it toward the problem area.

“Do you need me to go grab a bigger resistor?” Rey asked, stooping over them.

Valen leaned back, giving Rose more space. She shook her head. “No, but now that they’re done recording, could somebody turn on the regular lights and get this blasted light stand out of here? That’s what’s overloading the circuit.”

The words had hardly left her mouth before someone had turned on the overhead lights and several other hands had begun to dismantle the light stand. Rose fiddled with a few things and then pulled back, switching her flashlight off.

“It should be okay now,” she said.

Valen nodded and opened up the computer screen at the top of the piece of equipment that had tripped the circuit. She punched a few buttons and pulled out a dataplug from her pocket, inserting it into the socket beneath the screen. A video popped up and began playing. 

_“Now I ask, what about you? Would you like to leave? Are you willing to take a risk to get out? My friends and I are going to come at an unexpected time to help you escape. Obviously I can’t tell you exactly when or where, but when we come, you need to be ready. Think about it now, and make your decision now.”_

Finn groaned. “Can you shut that off while you’re doing this? Don’t need to relive it.”

Rose elbowed him. “That was really good!” She leaned toward Valen and lowered her voice. “I want to see the whole thing.”

Valen chuckled but shut it off. “I can’t encode it for sending if it’s playing.”

“You girls can watch it later,” Leia said. “We’re on a deadline here.”

Finn rubbed his hand over his face, looking as if he wanted to disappear.

“What happens after we send it?” Rey asked no one in particular.

“Then it’s our turn,” Poe said, glancing at Faeda, who had come to stand at his shoulder to peer at the screen, too. He turned and allowed her to slide in front of him so that she could see better. “It’s time to start planning our first rescue mission.”

Rey’s eyes darted back to Finn with excitement, a grin blossoming on her face. It suddenly hit her. They were really going to do this. They were going to help stormtroopers escape the First Order.

“Almost ready,” Valen said. The chatter around them died down and the crowd of people leaning around the Togruta seemed to cram even closer, if that was possible. She pulled out the dataplug and put in a different one from her pocket. A blank field and a button underneath that said “transmit encrypted file” popped up.

Valen hit a few keys and the blank field was filled with a series of numbers. 

“And… _send.”_

   
   
***  
 

CM-3244 lay down in his standard-issue sleepwear and arranged his hands across his chest the way he did every night. The way that was most likely to give a restful sleep, he knew. The overhead lights flickered out at exactly the time they always did, and in response the holoscreen over his bunk sputtered to life. Familiar scenes of marching lines of stormtroopers filled his world.

_“The First Order, the galaxy’s preeminent elite force dedicated to bringing order and prosperity to the galaxy by uprooting all forms of resistance…”_

The calming voice droned on in a clipped Core Worlds accent. Exactly on cue, the images shifted and scenes of suffering people in the slums of the galaxy appeared, just as CM-3244 knew they would.

Then something different happened.

   
 

_"Hi, my name is Finn, but I used to be called FN-2187. Some of you know me. We trained together and fought together. Now I hear they are calling me a traitor._

_"I am sending this message so that you can know the truth; the truth about me, and the truth about the First Order. The truth is that it is the First Order who is the traitor. They took us in and fed us stories about how great the First Order is and how much they do for us. But the truth is, they didn’t take us in. They kidnapped us and killed our families if they resisted. They didn’t ask us if we wanted to join them, they just took us. Now the First Order says it’s so great because it provides for us. Every stormtrooper has all they need in the way of food, a place to live, education, a meaningful life bringing order to the galaxy. Those are all lies._

_"The First Order only provides your basic necessities because you are more useful to it alive than dead. As soon as it becomes more useful to have you dead, you will be. You are nothing but a resource to them._

_"The First Order also lies about bringing order to the galaxy. Order is just a word they use because it sounds nice; what they really mean is rule. The First Order’s goal is to make every person in the galaxy into a stormtrooper. Not literally. They want to make every person just as dependent upon and obedient to them as you are. To the First Order, you’re not a person, you’re a thing, and that is how they see every being in the galaxy. In helping the First Order fight their battles, you are helping them to take away freedom and choice for every being in the galaxy. You are helping them to have total rule and control over the galaxy. They will use that total authority, not to help people, but to make sure they never lose that authority again. Every person will be a tool to use in that goal._

_"The truth is the First Order exists to help itself._

_"The First Order controls you by telling you lies about why you are there and what you are doing. But now you know the truth. It’s up to you to decide what to do with it."_

   
 

The light from the holoscreen above CM-3244’s bunk flickered. The voice of the man in the video went in and out with static, but then continued. After a few more minutes, the whole thing went black. An audible gasp sounded through the room. 

Every night, without fail, the holoprojector above each stormtrooper’s bunk played a series of videos about the First Order as the soldiers drifted off to sleep. No stormtrooper could remember a time they went to sleep without it. It had never before winked out into darkness. And it had never played anything like this man’s video.

CM-3244 lay perfectly still for a moment, but his heart was beating in his chest like it did when he was performing the monthly physical test. He hardly breathed. He could barely think.

Suddenly he swung his feet over the edge of his bunk and sat up. The motion was echoed in the bunks all around him. Sitting up after they had laid down for the night. That was another thing that never, ever happened. 

“What the hell was that?” someone said to his right. 

“It must be a trick. Resistance propaganda,” another added.

“That man wasn’t really a stormtrooper,” said a third. “He doesn’t look anything like the posters of FN-2187.”

CM-3244 kept his eyes on the ground and said nothing. He knew that the posters circulated showing FN-2187 were based on a software-aged image of the trooper when he had been a young recruit. There had been no current images to use. The posters were a mere approximation, meant to function as a symbolic warning to those who might follow his example.

CM-3224 knew all of this because he was one of several ordered to hang these posters in the mess hall by Captain Phasma herself, who along with several other officers lingered in the room to observe the task being completed. He knew all of this because he had above-average hearing and the officers were always more confident in their mental reconditioning techniques than they should be. They always assumed docile stormtroopers could do nothing but mind their own business.

He also knew that the man in the video had indeed been FN-2187, because unlike his bunkmates, who had only known the traitor through the poster campaign, CM-3224 had known him personally. 

CM-3224 suddenly remembered that there were two others in this barracks that knew FN-2187 personally. DP-9310 and EL-8797. He ventured a glance in their direction. Even in the dim light, he could tell they were paler than usual. And they were both looking at him.

The holoscreens above each of their bunks flickered back to life again, running the usual First Order video. The familiar voice continued where it had left off as if nothing had happened.

_“We fight as one, because we are one. One force bringing order to a galaxy that so desperately needs it. Just as the First Order rescued you from a life of poverty and hopelessness on your failing planets, we offer the galaxy the chance to gain stability and wellbeing far beyond what it could ever accomplish on its own.”_

Without even looking at it, CM-3224 knew exactly which visual sequences were flashing over the screen right now. He knew this video like he knew the back of his hand. Both had been with him for as long as he could remember.

“All right, back to bed. Everything’s back to normal now,” said the soldier designated as this barracks’ supervisor. If anything irregular happened and the superiors found out, it would be his head that would roll.

Rustling ensued as every soldier instinctively obeyed the supervisor’s command and lay down. CM-3224 went back to staring at the video above him, expecting sleep to descend quickly as usual. But tonight, sleep was elusive.

“Finn,” he mouthed silently, trying it out. Not bad.

   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed it, there's a [silly little Finn/Rose one-shot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15739038) I wrote that fits between this chapter and chapter 6. It fits in with the "canon" of this story but the tone was so different that I thought it stood better by itself. 
> 
> Crossing my fingers I can update again next weekend, but it may be a few days late again, we'll see. Next chapter we'll get another peek into Kylo's world and get to meet the first of the surprise cameos that I really wish I could add to the fic tags but can't because I don't want to give it away!! 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments, kudos and shares! I love hearing what you think of the story so far! :)


	9. A Few Unforgivable Things

Kylo woke with a start. He blinked for a few seconds, bunching his hands in the sheets twisted around his torso, before realizing where he was. His room. He was drenched in sweat. Grimacing, he pushed himself up and swung his legs over the side of his bed. He held his head in his hands for a moment and tried to push the distressing images out of his mind.

It was just a dream.

He knew that the sensory flashes would fade once he fully woke. Then he wouldn’t have to see her face, hear her voice, sense her fear. At least until the next time he dreamed.

He grabbed a set of fresh clothes and left his bedroom, his bare feet padding softly against the cold tile on his way to the ‘fresher. He lingered in the shower, letting his thoughts run as the water ran down his back. 

This was the fifth time he had dreamed of Rey in danger. He knew enough of dreams and the Force to know that he shouldn’t ignore the visions. Yet there wasn’t anything tangible enough in the dreams to suggest a response. They were only ethereal snatches of sound and light and emotion. Even if he had something specific to warn her about, they weren’t exactly on good terms at the moment. It seemed the Force itself had given up on getting them to talk.

He shut the water off and dressed quickly, doing his best to put the dream out of mind. He had done what he could for Rey when he deleted Cophrigin 5 from the First Order database last week. A simple gravitational scan would show inconsistencies in the database, but one would have to know where to look. It was the best he could do for now.

After a quick breakfast with RN for company, Kylo made his way to the bridge for the morning debriefing. He struggled through a series of tedious meetings without losing his temper, which was quite a feat. By midafternoon he managed to extricate himself from his dull administrative duties and headed to the TIE development facility, which lay deep in the left quadrant of the _Finalizer._

Kylo’s experimental modifications to his own Silencer were soon to become standard for the entire TIE fleet. The superior specs worked out on his own vessel were due in large part to his close collaboration with Admiral Ravid, who managed the fleet maintenance facility. He was one of the more likeable people on the ship, Kylo thought. Sensible and practical, and he knew a thing or two about flying. Kylo joined the admiral on a long bridge overlooking the maintenance bay to review their progress. 

“We’re ready to install the upgraded motion response circuits,” Ravid said, one fat finger tapping a chart on his datapad that indicated completion benchmarks on the various upgrades.

“And how quickly can the entire fleet be equipped?” Kylo asked.

“At this moment, I can’t say,” Ravid replied. “We left our supplier behind when we moved over Mandalore.” The man spread his hands in apology. “It would probably take six months if we had access to the circuit manufacturer.”

A junior officer approached Ravid with reports and he excused himself for a moment to assist her. 

While waiting, Kylo cast his gaze over the scene below and watched a crane lift a TIE skeleton to a platform for testing. His mind turned to Hux. He didn’t have a clue why the infuriating man had made the decision to move the entire fleet to Mandalorian space. Somehow the general had managed to avoid Kylo completely since the move three days ago. Recruitment was out of the question; Mandalore would never ally willingly with the First Order. Hux had argued a few weeks back that finding a planet to build official headquarters on would offer a strategic advantage, but that couldn’t be it, either. There had to be another reason they were here.

“Do you know yet how long we’ll be in this sector, sir?” Ravid asked, turning back to Kylo after signing the reports and sending the junior officer away. 

Kylo shook his head. “Still to be determined,” he said, hoping his response was vague enough that he wouldn’t let his ignorance on the matter show. It was important to maintain appearances that the Supreme Leader was the one giving commands. As for Hux, he would need to do something about his flagrant insubordination soon. It was getting out of hand.

The turbolift behind them opened suddenly and another officer approached, huffing and puffing as if he had run the whole way there.

“Supreme Leader, sir! We have intercepted an unauthorized freighter passing through our space. The crew has been taken into custody. They were carrying a large shipment of fuel without the proper authorization papers, possibly for shipment to rebels. They must be interrogated at once.”

Kylo barely turned his head. “Inform General Hux. He should be the one handling this sort of matter.”

“Forgive me, sir,” the officer said, “General Hux is meeting with a Mandalorian merchant in his private chambers. He gave orders that no one disturb him until his meeting concluded.”

His private quarters? Kylo frowned. What could Hux possibly be doing meeting a merchant there? A sudden thought struck him and Kylo’s mouth twisted in distaste. Meeting a merchant, so that was what they called it these days. If he found out Hux had dragged them all the way over to Mandalore for some base _fling,_ he would….

“I don’t have time to waste with prisoners,” Kylo said, his patience evaporating. “Just hold them in the cell until Hux is free.”

“But sir, we believe we have identified the captain as a high-level Resistance contact. He may have information regarding their whereabouts.”

Kylo tensed. “Who is it?”

“We believe it is the longtime smuggler and ex-Rebel general Lando Calrissian.”

Kylo cursed silently. No sooner had he ensured the First Order would not find the Resistance on Cophrigin, another opportunity for them to be discovered appeared. This time it was in the form of a person Kylo would prefer never to see again.

The officer became nervous under Kylo’s scowl. “F-Forgive me, Supreme Leader. I’ll inform General Hux.”

“No,” Kylo said sharply. “I will take care of this.”

   
***  
   
 

“Ben. How long has it been, my lad?” Lando flashed a winning grin and leaned forward in a mock bow, swishing the end of his perfectly pressed silk cape. 

The man was a decade older than when Kylo had known him, but looked much the same. There was more graying hair at his temples and his waist was thicker. But he still carried himself with the same confident swagger. 

Kylo bit the inside of his cheek as he searched for words. He had not anticipated the rush of boyish delight that struck him at the sight of his parents’ old friend – _his uncle_ \- in his usual ridiculous getup.

“That’s not my name,” he said finally through gritted teeth.

“Yes, I hear you call yourself Supreme Leader now.” Lando’s grin was replaced by a look that could strip paint from a starfighter. “Though between you and me, I’m not going to call you that. I prefer to call you _e chu ta_ after what you did to your old man.”

A wave of guilt hit Kylo, quickly overtaken by anger. He shut his eyes. When he opened them again, Lando was looking about the cell as if inspecting a fine establishment.

“So you finally got everything you wanted,” he said with a wave of his hand. “Nice place. I hope you’re happy now.”

“I didn’t want this,” Kylo shot back. The words slipped out before he could stop them. 

“Then what are you doing here?” Lando asked, cocking his head to the side.

Kylo blinked, suddenly flustered. “I don’t have to answer your questions. You’re the prisoner here, I’m interrogating you. And you should be grateful I’m here.” He stalked closer and lowered his voice. “Don’t you get it? I’m risking my neck so that I can be the one to talk to you and let you go, so that they don’t send Hux or someone else in here to handle it.”

Lando eyed him thoughtfully and then huffed. “Grateful? Boy, I’ve lived a long time, I’ve seen a lot of things. I don’t need your help to get out of this simple _misunderstanding_ between me and the First Order.” 

He practically shouted the word _misunderstanding_ and waved his arms expressively as if hoping someone outside the cell would hear that part. When he turned back to Kylo, he seemed to age before his eyes.

“I am glad to see you,” he said in a softer voice, “and yet it pains me too. At least I can tell your mother we spoke. She might take some odd comfort in that.”

Kylo’s heart skipped a beat. He shifted on his feet. “How – how is she? My mother.”

“She is old, Ben, just like me. She has many cares, and the weight of the whole galaxy on her shoulders.” Lando paused and then snapped his fingers. “Hey, there’s an idea. You could talk to her yourself.”

“That’s impossible,” Kylo replied immediately, his voice stony.

“Stranger things have happened.”

“I couldn’t,” he said. “She will never forgive me for….” He waved a hand in the air instead of finishing the sentence.

Lando’s eyes, once dull and milky with age, sprung to life with an old fire. “You’d be surprised what the love of a mother can do,” he said, practically growling. “That’s always been your weakness, Ben. Whether it was cards or racing, or just talking to people. You were never good at understanding what motivates people, what emotions make them tick. You’ve always been too busy thinking about yourself.”

The words stung, but they were so obviously true that Kylo could do nothing but open his mouth dumbly as if to answer and then shut it again.

Lando shook his head and continued. “What do you know about forgiveness? It’s not your family’s lack of forgiveness that has led to this place. It’s yours.” He gestured around the cell. “You say you never wanted this. So what’s keeping you here? Is it the pay? The prestige? The cushy benefits?” His lip curled in jest. “All I see is a bitter child who refuses to overlook others’ mistakes though he has made plenty of his own. You’re a hypocrite.”

In an instant, Kylo’s whole world was filled with blinding rage. “No,” he hissed through clenched teeth. “No. I’m not the hypocrite. I knew you wouldn’t understand. That’s why I never came to you.” Kylo began to pace, his voice rising in agitation. “I trusted you, all of you. You all let me down. Snoke was the only one who saw potential in me instead of treating me like a constant problem to be solved. I -” 

He stopped abruptly and took a shaky breath. He was getting carried away, saying too much. Being around someone from his past was dangerous. It led to unpredictable emotions, just as Snoke had always warned.

“Ben.”

Kylo jerked his eyes back to his aged uncle’s face. Despite the heated words seconds before, Lando’s expression now was something softer. Perhaps resignation.

“I’m telling you this as a friend, Ben. Man to man, okay? This is the first time I’ve spoken to you in a decade and you’re your own man now. But you have to let go. You have to forgive them for being wrong about you.”

Kylo stared at him for a moment, still breathing hard. Then he spun on his heel and strode toward the exit. He paused before the heavy door, his back to the cell. “Tell mother…. Tell her I love her. And I’m sorry.”

The door flung open with the Force and slammed shut again behind Kylo. Outside the cell, he turned to the guard. “Await my orders as to what to do with the prisoner. No one else is to enter that room or speak with him.”

“But sir,” the man began in protest. “General Hux will want to –“ 

His voice cut off in a frightened squeak as he felt an invisible hand grasp his throat.

Kylo fixed him with the most threatening stare he could muster. “General Hux answers to me, as do you. Is that clear?” 

After receiving a sufficiently frantic nod of acquiescence, Kylo released the man and stalked out of the brig.

Once in the hallway, he seriously considered smashing the crap out of the windows he was passing. But that thought didn’t last very long. His hand was still sore from the incident last week, for one thing. And for once he could see that smashing something wasn’t going to help. He needed to _think._ He had to get Lando and his crew off this ship without rousing Hux’s suspicion.

He turned a corner that led to the closest turbolift and smacked right into a stormtrooper with an orange pauldron on his shoulder.

“Pardon me, sir.”

Kylo scowled in answer and navigated around him, his thoughts too focused on Hux to bother with the soldier.

“Supreme Leader, sir, wait,” the stormtrooper called from behind him. “I have important news on the other prisoners brought into custody with Calrissian.”

“What is it?” he asked after coming to a halt.

“Commander Silik uncovered a plot on the part of the crew,” the stormtrooper said, words tumbling out quickly in excitement. “Apparently the fuel containers we confiscated were not going to the Resistance fleet after all. They wanted to be caught. There are explosives installed on the fuel canisters. They were going to detonate them in our hangar and probably try to escape in the aftermath.”

“How do you know this?” Kylo asked, frowning. He headed down a different hallway toward the cargo hangar housing Lando’s confiscated freighter. The stormtrooper followed, trotting to keep up.

“One of the prisoners talked after enduring a _grueling_ interrogation,” the stormtrooper said. He lowered his voice. “It happened quicker than I expected, but then again I’m new here. He _cried.”_

They entered the hangar. A handful of prisoners knelt in a line against one wall. Next to them loomed an old Corellian freighter in flawless condition. Kylo stopped out of hearing distance and surveyed the scene. A few more stormtroopers approached him along with one very beleaguered officer.

“The detonator?” Kylo asked, fixing his gaze on the officer.

A different stormtrooper offered up an object. “Found when we searched the ship, sir. Exactly where the prisoner said it would be.”

Kylo took the item and turned it over in his hands a few times. He bit his lip to stop a grin from breaking out on his face. The fools. This was the oldest smuggler’s trick in the book. He had been party to this very gag so many times in his youth, it was a wonder there was anyone left in the galaxy who could be fooled by it.

This particular so-called detonator happened to be a heavily modified piece of electronics whose primary purpose was to dry Wookie hair after bathing. In fact, given its unique upgrading, he could swear it was the very one Chewbacca kept on the Falcon so many years ago.

Kylo could forgive the stormtroopers for failing to recognize a Wookie hairdryer, what with its strange shape, the extra wires sticking out everywhere, and the prominent red button that could reasonably be a detonation switch. But failing to see that the whole thing was a ruse, that was unforgivable. 

“I wonder what Commander Silik would think of putting them all back on the ship, along with the fuel,” Kylo said softly, “and you keep hold of the detonator. Then once they exit the hangar, you activate the switch.”

The stormtrooper with the orange pauldron jerked his helmet toward Kylo as if surprised. “What do you know. Sir, that is _exactly_ what the prisoner said. That is, he begged on his hands and knees for us not to do that, and then clapped a hand over his mouth when he became aware of what he just said.”

Another stormtrooper laughed. “That idiot.” 

Kylo’s eye twitched.

The officer, apparently wanting to get in on the fun, straightened his uniform solemnly. “And then Commander Silik gave the orders to do just that. Serves them right. If I could have the detonator please, sir.”

Kylo handed it ever so carefully to the officer. “You must do what your commanding officer says, of course,” he added for effect.

“Quite right.”

After ordering that Lando was to share the same fate as the rest of the crew, Kylo stood back and considered the situation. He ran over all the factors in his mind. This strange scenario seemed to tick all the boxes that moments ago had him as anxious as a purrgil in an asteroid field. The prisoners would be set free. No one else would get to interrogate them and learn the location of the Resistance or discover Kylo’s personal history with Lando. To top it off, this was to be achieved by the order of Silik rather than Kylo. Hux would have no reason to suspect the Supreme Leader of a thing. It was perfect. 

As the prisoners were being loaded onto the ship along with the fuel canisters, Kylo debated whether he wanted to stick around to see the flustered look on the officer’s face when the Wookie hairdryer failed to detonate anything and the Corellian freighter zipped away, fuel and crew intact. 

Lando was the last prisoner to be escorted aboard. At the last second, he turned toward Kylo and saluted from afar. Kylo almost returned his gesture with a slight nod before catching himself.

“Little does he know,” Orange-Pauldron said as he leaned toward Kylo with the camaraderie of a conspirator.

Kylo nodded curtly before ducking away abruptly so he could roll his eyes without detection. He decided he didn’t need to see the officer’s face after all and headed for the nearest turbolift. He could enjoy the situation much better from his private quarters. RN would certainly get a kick out of the whole tale.

    
   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah... the first really fun cameo appearance! It was intimidating to try to write Lando but I had fun with it. I knew there had to be some shenanigan where his crew outsmarted the First Order and got away, but I'm really bad at thinking of stuff like that so literally I thought "what would the Ghost crew do" the entire time I was writing this. :) And it was fun to be able to incorporate Ben's past smuggler lifestyle and make him in the know with the ruse.
> 
> [E chu ta](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Huttese) is a Huttese curse with a hotly debated meaning, first appeared in canon on Cloud City so it seemed like something Lando would say. 
> 
> [Mandalore](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Mandalore)
> 
> [Orange Pauldron](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Pauldron)
> 
> Wookiee hairdryer... okay I just made that up. But it seems reasonable to me. They have a lot of hair. LOL
> 
> Big thanks to my new beta reader Anghara, who is absolutely amazing and has what seems like never-ending Star Wars knowledge. It's like she has Wookieepedia downloaded to her brain. :) And thanks also to my best friend and roommate who encouraged me to go ahead and write this thing and has been valiantly untangling my convoluted sentences into normal ones. :) Both of them have super busy jobs and are so generous with their time!
> 
> I just got a new job and so unfortunately I'm going to have to change to posting every other week. That was close to what I was doing anyways so no big change, but I'm just resigned to it now. In the meantime you can find me on Twitter @HopeEternal8.
> 
> If you liked it, let me know! :)


	10. Pulled From Every Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, finally an update after so long!!! I apologize to any readers who were waiting for more. I started a new job and it was a very difficult thing to juggle with my old job (which I kept) and also trying to have time and emotional energy for creative output such as this story. Also this particular chapter was a beast and although I've had versions of it written for a while, nothing was really satisfying to me. I've finally decided to just publish it and move on. Sometimes you have those chapters I think, where just nothing seems to work like you want it. But I'm reminding myself I'm doing this for fun and so I don't have to wait for absolute perfection before I hit publish and move on to the next part. Which we are getting into some very exciting parts of the story now that the major warm-up is over. :) Enjoy!

“He did what?” Rey gasped. She realized her mouth was hanging open and closed it with a snap, her cheeks reddening.

Baziin chuckled. “If you think Skywalker landing a quarter of a capital ship with only attitude thrusters is impressive, wait till I tell you what he did once he landed.”

“Spreading tall tales again?” Poe said, squeezing past Baziin to take the pilot’s seat.

“These are not tall tales,” Baziin said with a huff. “I was there at the Battle of Mindor, and everything they say he did is true. I’ve never known another who could get into trouble like Luke Skywalker. But along with Leia and Han Solo, he could always get out of it again.”

Rey leaned forward eagerly. She wanted to hear every story she could about Luke. The things they said he did were amazing.

“I’ll tell you the rest of the story later,” Baziin said, patting her arm and then standing. “I’ve got to go back and check on the rabble.”

“You do that,” Poe said with a snort.

Disappointed, Rey slumped back into her seat and turned her attention to the swirling gray planet looming in the Falcon’s viewport.

Ranuah was a gaseous planet of eternal electrical storms and crushing pressure, a place that held no native species except a few parasitic creatures that floated through the top layers of clouds, locked in a slim ecosystem based on converting the abundant natural static into energy. It was here the First Order hid the shipyard responsible for constructing massive LAAL-8.1 shuttles for stormtrooper transportation.

The roiling clouds had been a perfect cover for nefarious military operations since the early secretive days of the regime. Its harsh environment deterred scavengers and wayward travelers, and its extreme electrical signature guaranteed military activity would go unnoticed on long-distance scans.

However, its greatest strength as a military base was also its greatest weakness. Clouds that belied visibility farther than 400 meters would conveniently conceal Resistance infiltration.

That was the idea, at least. Until the clouds cleared and sunk away in a miraculous display the likes of which hadn’t occurred on Ranuah for a hundred years.

“Kriff, we have to pull out. We’re within sight of their control room,” Poe said, coaxing the Falcon into a sharp ascent.

“Why do they even bother with windows on a planet like this?” Rey said. She craned her neck to stare at the floating platform below, just long enough to spot defense turrets, ground cannons, and a long assembly line of LAALs that extended from the main building and disappeared into the clouds. The view shrank quickly as the Falcon sped upwards.

Poe shook his head. “It’s coming in handy for them now.”

“Do we have a backup plan?” she asked, glancing sideways at Poe.

Lightning jumped from one cloud to the next, momentarily throwing his features into sharp relief. A furrow appeared in his brow as he stared straight ahead into the relatively tame storm. He heaved a sigh and nodded. “We do now,” he said. With that he flipped the comm and called everyone to the cockpit.

“All right,” he began as two dozen Resistance fighters piled in, jostling each other in an attempt to fit. It was quite a squeeze. “Here’s what we’re going to do. Our scans show the hangar is emptying as we speak. The shuttles are on some sort of automated assembly line headed to another part of the base. We need to intercept them before they get there. Unfortunately, we don’t have the cloud cover we were counting on to escape unnoticed.”

Poe stopped his pacing and jabbed a thumb toward Rey. “This means we can’t rely on Rey to sense the ships through the clouds and drop us over them as we had planned.”

Rey held back a sigh of relief. In preparation for this mission, she had been practicing using the Force to sense things she couldn’t see. But she wasn’t that good at it yet, and the stakes were high.

“It’s now inevitable we’ll attract their attention at some point,” Poe continued. “Their security is minimal due to their overreliance on the weather, but they have some.”

“We’re talking about defense turrets, some simple ground targeting systems, right?” asked Baziin.

“That’s all I saw,” Poe said, nodding. “We shouldn’t have any problem avoiding limited fire as long as the drop-off is quick. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll deploy in pairs so that someone can man each shuttle’s guns. We’ll only get half the ships Leia hoped for but with our cover blown, we need to make sure the shuttles can be defended until each pilot can go black. With any luck, we’ll be in and out of there before the first turret fires.”

“Luck,” Namir said from near the door. “Are we going to count on that?”

“No,” said Poe, a smile quirking at the corner of his mouth. “Not luck. We have a Jedi aboard.” He turned to Rey. “You handle the Falcon. We might need some pretty fancy flying if anything goes wrong. Guard our backs while the rest of us take the shuttles.”

Rey nodded. Fancy flying she could do.

“As for the rest of us, we’ll pair up and get ready to go.”

Poe and Baziin elected to take the first shuttle, then Finn and Namir, Rika and Jessika, and then the remaining pilots in pairs. Poe handed out small half-masks that would allow them to breathe in the atmosphere outside. Then they all shuffled out of the cockpit and headed toward the loading ramp, leaving Rey alone.

She strapped into the pilot’s seat and flipped the switches that rerouted control of the Falcon’s guns to the cockpit. She also turned on the shields. A few seconds later the Falcon’s onboard comm crackled to life.

“We’re in place,” Poe said.

“Hold on,” Rey said, initiating the descent back down to the facility below. She leaned forward and squinted at the clouds, anxious to spot the control center as soon as it came into view.

After a few moments the platform, defense turrets, and security windows appeared out of the mist below, and Rey turned the Falcon to hover over the assembly line receding into the clouds.

“Get ready,” she said into the comm.

She pulled low over one of the shuttles and hovered as close to the top of it as she could.

“Clear.”

A light flashed above her head indicating that the loading ramp had opened.

“They’re good, Rey,” said Finn over the comm. “Next one.”

She shot forward toward the next shuttle and hovered low again. Suddenly several things happened at once.

Rika’s voice sounded over the comm to tell her to go to the next one. At the same time, Poe’s personal comm pinged the Falcon, and the transmission was a stream of chaos. Something was wrong. Amidst garbled sounds that resembled blaster shots and static, she could only hear two words: man down.

Before she could react, there was a loud noise and the Falcon jerked forward, almost tossing her out of her seat. Lights flashed indicating the shields had taken a hit on the left side. The ominous sound of TIE fighters approaching filled the cockpit.

Rey pushed panic down as her mind sprinted through the options. She could continue dropping teams and do her best to protect them from the approaching TIEs. They needed those shuttles. The stormtrooper extraction they planned for next week was impossible without them.

The other option was to get them all out of there, now.

Without another thought, Rey punched the control to close the loading ramp and whirled the Falcon around to face the incoming TIEs.

“What are you doing, Rey?” came Rika’s voice.

“There’s TIEs and something’s wrong with Poe!” she shouted into the comm. “I need one of you up front to communicate with him. The rest of you, get on those guns!”

A beam of green light shot at them, narrowly missing the Falcon because she put it into a quick spin. She returned fire with the forward facing guns, but nothing landed.

Rika came tumbling into the cockpit. “There weren’t supposed to be any TIEs!”

“We have to get out of here,” Rey said, not daring to take her eyes off the enemy fighters for a moment. She shot a few more blasts at the TIEs and one exploded in midair.

“Glass cannons,” muttered Rika. He strapped himself into the copilot seat.

“Poe’s in trouble,” Rey said, sending the Falcon into another spin to avoid a torpedo.

“I’ll get him,” replied Rika quickly, punching the comm. “Poe, come in. What’s going on down there?”

As the seconds ticked by and nothing but static answered, Rey wavered between staying near the shuttles to block them from TIE fire with the Falcon’s superior shields or attempting to draw the TIEs away. Perhaps they would be so focused on the obvious rebel intruder that the shuttles could leave unnoticed.

Stuck in paralyzing indecision, she hovered somewhere in the middle, flitting back and forth and dodging fire. Lights blinked across the controls signifying that the other pilots had entered the gun wells. She rerouted control of the weapons back to them with relief.

“Poe, come in!” Rika repeated.

A few more tense moments of silence followed and then Poe responded.

“There was someone onboard. Don’t know why. Started shooting as soon as we got in. Baziin went down. He doesn’t look good.”

“Can you fly?” Rika asked him. “If we can get out of here, then we can get him some help.”

“I’ll see what I can do. Make sure the others are okay.”

“Finn,” gasped Rey, suddenly stricken with fear. “We haven’t heard a word from him. What if there was someone aboard his shuttle?”

She dodged another shot from one of the TIEs and zipped beneath the shuttles for a moment, intending to make a loop and turn back around to face their opponents head-on. But suddenly there was a flash of light above her field of view.

Poe’s shuttle was hit.

She pulled the Falcon around and stared with horror as the front half of the shuttle burst into flames. It broke off and then plummeted down through the clouds. The back half slowly tipped away from the line and began to descend too.

Rika cursed and shouted into the comm. “Poe?”

More static came on the line. “ – to the – dropping fast – escape pod.”

“Get ahold of Finn,” Rey said. “I’ll follow the shuttle down. If they can make it to an escape pod, we can pick them up. If not – .” She broke off her sentence with a growl of frustration and threw the Falcon into a nosedive. “We’ll get them somehow.”

“Finn, come in,” Rika said. “What’s happening down there?”

Rey was staring so intensely at the shuttle pieces tumbling below them for signs of an escape pod that she hardly blinked when Finn’s voice came over the line.

“We’re okay. There was a worker aboard but we stunned her. I don’t think they know we’re here. They haven’t shot on us yet. Was that Poe’s shuttle that exploded?”

“Yeah, we’re getting them,” Rika said. “You stay in line. Do your best to look like the First Order. We’ll come back to cover you.”

As they plummeted after the shuttle, half the TIEs followed them while the other half continued to flutter above, blocking the path to space. But the pilots manning the Falcon’s turrets made it risky to follow them. Rey felt a grim pleasure when three of the TIEs giving chase exploded in successive shots.

Suddenly she spotted a small white capsule separate from the smoking hunk of metal below.

“There!” she shouted, but Rika had already fled from the cockpit to receive them in the airlock.

The lights dimmed as she redirected power to the sublight engines in a desperate attempt to catch up with the falling escape pod. When the Falcon was neatly in place just below the pod, she slammed on the weak tractor beam, probably the only thing that Han had never upgraded past its original freighter standard, to pull the capsule into the airlock above the freight loading doors.

“Got them,” came Rika’s voice over the comm.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Rey jerked the Falcon upward to hurtle towards the line of shuttles above. With fewer TIEs following them now, she only had to pay half attention in order to dodge their shots. She lunged across the controls for the comm Rika discarded.

“Finn, we’re coming up beneath you. It’s now or never. I’ll follow you. Just go!”

“Copy that. Be careful.”

Above her, Rey could see one of the shuttles pull away from the others in line.

“Focus fire to defend the shuttle,” she said to the pilots in the gunner wells. She tossed the comm onto the copilot’s seat and began to scan for approaching TIEs. “Our shields will protect us.”

It didn’t take long for the remaining TIEs to notice the shuttle pulling away from the line and heading toward space. Soon they were all zipping past the shuttle and taking shots. But the Resistance gunners were too good. One by one they fell to the Falcon’s deadly cannons. Either Namir or Finn must have made it to the turret because the shuttle was firing back as well.

One second Rey’s world was filled with chaos, every fiber of her being concentrated on survival, and the next thing she knew, everything went quiet. Finn’s shuttle escaped atmosphere, the Falcon following right behind. They were alone in the black vacuum of space. Ranuah was just a silent gray ball spinning beneath them, its constant storm clouds once again concealing the enemy beneath.

She knew it wouldn’t be long before the base commanders notified the nearest Star Destroyer and called for help. In fact, a squadron could be on its way now. She picked up the comm again.

“Finn, let’s get you locked up so you can come aboard and we’ll get out of here.”

She maneuvered the Falcon above the shuttle and flipped the switch to open the docking clamps. The ship shuddered as the shuttle made contact and was secured. She unlocked the connecting portal so they could come aboard, began the hyperspace calculations, and slumped back in the pilot’s seat, exhausted.

As the ship jumped into hyperspace, the cockpit door opened. She turned her head and saw Namir enter. There was a tear in the shoulder of her flightsuit revealing what looked like a nasty burn.

“Poe wants you in the airlock,” Namir said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder and flipping her lekku. “Go ahead, I’ll keep an eye on things up here.”

Rey nodded and unbuckled her safety harness. As she stood, Namir clutched her shoulder.

“That was some good flying back there,” she said.

“Thanks,” Rey replied, a weak smile crossing her lips.

The flying might have been okay, but what about her decision to abort mission? She steeled herself up for disapproval from Poe as she headed toward the airlock. But all her apprehension was put on hold when she caught sight of the scene waiting for her there.

Baziin was laying on the ground, his head propped up by Poe’s kneeling figure. Nearby hovered Finn, who was speedily ripping lengths of gauze and wrapping them around Baziin’s bloody shoulder, pushing his montrals out of the way as he went. Rika and the others were dashing back and forth from the med supplies stored on nearby shelves to those kneeling near Baziin, handing them packets of bacta.

“He’s lost a lot of blood already,” Poe said, his voice hoarse. He tore open a package of bacta with his teeth and spread it over Baziin’s arm. “This emergency stuff won’t be enough.”

“He needs life support,” someone said in a hushed tone.

Rey entered the room but lingered near the door, scanning over the scene with dismay. Upon her entrance, Poe looked up. “You’re here.”

Hesitantly, Rey stepped closer, unsure what to do. She knelt next to Finn.

Poe reached out a hand to her. “This stuff isn’t working. You need to heal him.” His brown eyes stared at her beseechingly. “With the Force.” 

Rey’s stomach lurched uncomfortably. She glanced at Baziin, a chill washing over her. His skin was turning ashen, and blood was leaking through the layers of gauze that Finn applied. This was beyond superficial bacta application. He needed his vitals stabilized. He wasn’t going to make it back to the base if they didn’t do something now.

“I -I don’t know how,” she said, shaking her head. 

Silence followed, in which she avoided making eye contact with anyone. After a moment, she tentatively reached out to the Force. There it was, waiting to fill her with warmth and power. She directed it toward Baziin, pleading weakly for it to do what she wanted. Nothing happened. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. She swallowed to keep the tightness in her chest from spilling over into tears.

Just then Rika leaned down near Poe and whispered something in his ear. Rey ventured a glance at them. Poe frowned and then nodded. It struck Rey how weary he looked. Spots of blood darkened his shirt and smeared across his neck where he must have carried Baziin.

“Give Namir the coordinates,” Poe said softly. “We’ll have to risk it.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was only a very short hyperspace jump before they reached their mysterious destination. The loading ramp opened with a thunk and a waft of reddish-brown dirt to reveal an arid and rocky planet with a troubled sky. Rey stepped out into the open air and glanced about with wonder. Just behind her, Namir descended and spoke quickly to Rika in their native tongue.

“Where are we?” Rey asked them when they paused and glanced at her.

“Our home,” Namir said. “Welcome to Ryloth, Rey of Jakku.”

The crew huddled together as Rika told them of his secret contact located a few klicks through the twisted trees sprawled beyond the Falcon’s starboard. 

“They live here at the equator, far from the safety of our cities, in order to escape the scrutiny of the First Order.”

“But will they have the technology Baziin needs?” Poe asked, eyeing their remote surroundings with doubt.

“Oh, yes, I think so,” Rika replied. “They are something of a medical research center. Very important to keep out of the hands of the enemy, and just what we need right now.”

They loaded Baziin onto a small transport and the rest of the crew took off on foot toward their destination. After a half an hour struggling though the rocky undercanopy, they approached a large building. Several armed Twi’leks spotted them and moved closer, weapons raised. Rika spoke to them in hushed tones. After a moment, the guards lowered their weapons. Rika turned back to the others and explained that they were permitted to enter and that they would tend to Baziin.

Poe cast his eyes over the group. “A few of us should stay out here, just in case. Rey, Finn, you stay. I want Rika and Namir with me. The rest of you, split up equally.”

Rey shared a look with Finn as the others shuffled to one of the groups. She was about to speak when Poe approached them and whispered. “If you see anything suspicious, comm me and then get this group out.” Without waiting for a reply, he followed the others inside.

A few pilots approached Finn and made plans to set up a perimeter, so Rey wandered toward a patch of trees in a daze. She had half a mind to sit down by herself for a while and process everything that just happened, but before she got very far she was intercepted by a passing pilot. 

“You! What the hell were you doing back there?”

She blinked. It took her a moment to register that the man was talking to her. A handful of other pilots paused near them and looked on.

“I can’t believe you abandoned the mission so quickly.”

The pilot was a middle-aged human with a mess of unruly blonde hair spilling across his forehead. Rey frowned at him, trying to place his name.

“I did what I thought was right,” she said stiffly. “I’d rather not lose Resistance fighters for a couple shuttles. We can get them another way.”

The pilot’s cheeks flushed and he rolled his eyes. “Oh, you wanted to save Resistance fighters. Well, good job. Baziin took this mission knowing the risks. He might not make it, yet we don’t have anything to show for his bravery!”

“Shut up,” said one of the other pilots nearby.

“You don’t understand what we’re doing here,” the pilot continued, stepping closer to Rey and ignoring the onlookers. “My family has been fighting and dying for the Resistance for years. We signed up for this. And I didn’t sign up to fail when we could have finished the mission. I would be happy to give up my life to win this war. Think about that next time you make a unilateral decision to abandon your assignment.”

Rey opened her mouth to argue but then shut it again just as quickly. She already felt torn about her decision and dreaded going back to the Resistance with only one shuttle for their effort. At the same time, she couldn’t shake the sick feeling she’d had since she saw Baziin sprawled on the floor bleeding.

“It’s one thing for you to risk your life,” she said after a moment. “It’s another thing entirely for _me_ to risk your life.”

The pilot frowned at her a moment longer, then shook his head and brushed past her, heading back toward the group standing near the building. After a pause, the others followed him. A few of them shot her sympathetic looks but no one said a word. 

Rey watched them go with utter exhaustion and then slumped to the ground, her back to a tree trunk and her knees pulled up to her chest. Across the way, she saw Finn directing groups of Resistance fighters to different spots around the clearing. It seemed he had everything under control. Satisfied with that, she rested her head on her knees, wrapped her arms around them, and closed her eyes.

 

***

 

 

Rey woke up with a jolt, confused about where she was. Her hands hit the strange red dirt as she stopped herself from falling over and she looked around. Night was falling. It was now difficult to see the shadowy figures patrolling around the outside of the building. She squinted to try to distinguish between the native Twi’lek guards and the Resistance fighters. Muffled sounds of indistinguishable activity pulsed through the air. She stood up and brushed herself off, feeling foolish. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep. 

She peered into the gloom looking for Finn, but all of a sudden the sound reaching her ears registered. It wasn’t the usual flutter of standard organic activity. She heard blasters being fired. And shouting. 

She started running toward the building. A loud explosion echoed through the clearing. The doors on the facility burst open and a mess of blaster bolts and smoke and frantic bodies spilled out. The Resistance fighters who had stayed in the yard were suddenly around her and rushing toward the entrance too. In the confusion, Rey spotted Finn, who pushed past pilots rushing towards the guards and grabbed her arm.

“They alerted the First Order. We have to get out of here,” he said.

Rey grimaced and pulled out her blaster. “Not again.”

A guard spun around and pointed his rifle at them but Finn took a shot over his shoulder and the man collapsed. 

“Where is Poe? And Baziin?” Rey asked, stunning two guards who came from the other side.

“They’re coming,” shouted Namir, who suddenly appeared in front of them, tucking her detonator back into her pocket with one hand as she struggled past a group of guards.

Just then, Rey spotted Poe half-stumbling toward them, supporting Baziin on his shoulder as Rika and a few pilots guarded their escape.

“Let’s go. We don’t have much time,” Poe shouted over the din.

The Resistance fighters fell in behind Poe and they took off through the trees. Rey lingered near the back, taking shots at the enemy in between sprints toward cover. It didn’t take long to outpace their pursuers. The Twi’lek guards were somewhat untrained and apparently not particularly interested in detaining captives. There was no time to learn more about what happened in the building, but Rey was relieved to see that Baziin was well enough to stumble along with a little help from Poe.

Once they reached the Falcon, Rey dashed toward the cockpit and began hyperspace calculations for Cophrigin. Seconds later, Poe stumbled in.

“I’ll fly,” he said, pushing past her to reach for the controls. In quick succession, he closed the ramp and initiated ascent.

Wordlessly, Rey got out of his way and made for the door. 

“Wait,” Poe said, glancing at her over his shoulder before sitting in the pilot’s seat and pulling up navigation. “Have a seat.”

She slumped into the copilot’s seat and stared out the viewport as they ascended through the red atmosphere.

“You did a great job back there. You kept your head cool and made some tough decisions. Well done.”

Rey stared at him in utter shock. That was the last thing she expected him to say. “But we only got one shuttle, and Baziin…”

“Baziin is fine,” Poe said firmly. Then he sighed. “I wasn’t thinking straight when I asked you to heal him. I'm sorry. I’ve just grown up with all kinds of stories about the Jedi. I’m not sure how much is legend and how much is true.” 

Rey nodded. She had trouble separating truth from myth herself when it came to the Jedi.

“As for what happened on Ranuah,” Poe continued, “Things usually go wrong on missions, and you have to be prepared to think quickly and prioritize. You did that well.”

Rey frowned and stared out the viewport as the first stars appeared and the sky turned inky black around them. Her thoughts suddenly turned to the weighty darkness she found in the Jedi temple, and the disturbing hologame she played with its guardian. What happened on Ranuah could have been another dilemma posed to her by the temple apparition in his twisted game. But it hadn’t been a game. It was real.

“I didn’t like being the one to decide,” she said finally.

“I know,” he said. There was no trace of condescension in his voice. Instead he sounded sad. He pulled the lever to launch the hyperjump and the stars blurred into streaks of light. 

Suddenly Rey wondered if Poe had ever made any decisions that he regretted. Or that were just plain wrong. By his expression, she thought there was a chance he had. 

“What if you do the wrong thing?” she asked, so softly she wasn’t sure if he would even hear her.

Poe turned to her. Clapping a hand on her shoulder, he gave her a weak smile. “You learn.”

 

***

 

 

It was quite a bedraggled group that spilled out of the Falcon finally once they landed back on Cophrigin 5 three rotations later. Baziin himself led the charge, his spirits untouched by the blaster wound that had ravaged his body. 

“It’s nothing,” he said loudly to Leia as she strode toward him, eyeing his wrapped shoulder with concern. “Just a little scratch. Don’t worry, I kept them all in line, Leia.” 

The general flashed him a wry smile and shook her head. 

Later that evening, Rey joined Rose for dinner. She was glad to see her again, but didn’t have the energy to answer all of Rose’s questions about what had happened on the mission. After a few terse exchanges, a grumpy silence had descended around them.

“That’s the fourth time you’ve picked up that roll and put it back on your plate without eating it.”

Rey spared a glance at Rose and then quickly looked back at her plate. “I’m sorry I’m annoying you. I’m just not hungry.”

“You’re not annoying me,” Rose said with an affronted look. “Well, except that you won’t talk to me about what happened. Even though I can tell you’re upset.”

Rey made no answer, and after a moment Rose threw her utensils on her plate and pushed it away from her, mumbling something under her breath. She waved at Valen and Jessika as they left the mess hall following a crowd of others about to start second shift about the base. When she turned back to Rey, her face lit up.

“Hey, I almost forgot to tell you. Yesterday Chewie finished repairs on that TIE. A few of the pilots got to take it for a spin. Maybe he’ll let you try it out this evening.”

The word “TIE” made Rey’s stomach lurch. “Great,” she mumbled.

Undaunted, Rose tried again. “Oh, and they finally got the hot water fixed in our showers.”

Rey didn’t answer. Instead she stood abruptly and untangled herself from the bench, grabbing her tray. When Rose looked up at her with concern, she shifted on her feet and searched for words. 

“I’m just going to go for a walk,” she said. “Sorry. See you later.”

Without waiting for a response, Rey left her tray on the counter and exited the mess hall, taking a deep breath as the warm Cophrigin twilight fell around her like a comforting blanket. At first she headed toward the barracks, thinking to go to bed early, but on a whim she made a sudden turn toward the southeast grasslands on the edge of the base. The crunching of her boots over trampled grass filled her ears in lieu of other sounds that usually filled the base during the day. 

As she weaved through buildings, scorning the actual paths for a more direct route, hushed voices drifted over the thick night air toward her. A reckless spirit possessed Rey. She crept toward the sounds, careful to keep out of the light that dotted the paths at intervals.

“It’s getting desperate,” Leia said, her form bathed in the light she stood under. “Every day there’s something new.”

“What is it now?” Poe muttered. Rey could just barely make out his dark shape standing next to Finn, silhouetted against the light, their backs turned and facing the general.

“Reports from Garos,” Leia said, lowering her voice even further so that Rey had to strain to catch each word. “Some ten thousand villagers dead for resisting occupation.”

Finn growled. “All the more reason to push forward with our plans. They need to know we’re out here, and we’re doing something. It will give them hope.”

“It’s still a foolish plan, Finn,” Poe said. “We should choose another target.”

“Raiding their flagship will send the strongest message,” he countered.

“But he’ll be there,” Poe said.

Finn cocked his head. “So what?”

Their argument had the sound of one that had happened before.

“You don’t get it. You’ve never seen him in action,” Poe said, his voice rising in frustration. “He can take on a hundred soldiers himself. Not to mention the unnatural instinct. He may sense we’re coming even before we get there.”

“You’re overreacting,” Finn said. “I know you’re worried, but he’s just a man in a mask, even if he has the Force. He’s no Vader….”

At that moment Poe threw his hands up in the air and Leia stepped between the two men, cutting Finn off. 

“No, he’s right,” she said, her eyes turning to Finn in sober confirmation of Poe’s words. “He could destroy this mission.” She paused. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

The trio stood in silence for a moment.

Finn sighed. “His ship holds the young recruits,” he said. “They’re the most likely to go with us. They are also the most in need of our help.”

There was another long pause. At last Poe stirred. “Rey,” he said. “We can count on her.”

“No,” Finn said, his voice surprisingly firm.

“She was amazing on Ranuah,” Poe said, turning to him. “She saved us all. I’ll be the first to say we can’t underestimate a Force-user among our enemies. But we have one too. She can take care of him.”

“Kylo Ren has years of study in the Force.” Leia said. “Rey’s had only weeks. She’s powerful, and smart, but it’s unfair to expect her to counter him.”

“What else can we do?” Poe said forcefully. “Leia, this war is drawing to an end! It will all be over soon, no matter what we do. The First Order has everything. Playing it safe this late in the game is only assuring defeat.”

Neither Leia nor Finn replied. The lack of response hung thick in the air. Poe bounced his gaze between the two as if expecting an answer. When he didn’t get one, his demeanor changed. He took a step back from them and crossed his arms. 

“Woah, wait. Is that where we’re at?” he asked. 

Leia and Finn both shifted on their feet but remained silent.

“Not yet.”

The three jumped at the voice and turned toward the tree Rey had crouched behind. She untangled herself from the underbrush and stepped toward the light, blinking a bit as her eyes adjusted. She didn’t let their surprised expressions or her unceremonious entry dent the determination she now felt rising inside.

“Not yet,” she repeated once she stood before them, her hands fisted at her side and her chin raised in defiance. “I will go, and if Kylo Ren interferes… I will deal with him.” 

Poe let out a heavy sigh but she imagined she could see a faint smile appearing at the corner of his lips. Finn on the other hand looked furious. Rey knew he would worry about her, because of course he would. But this mission was his idea. They could only accomplish it if every Resistance member played their part. 

It was finally clear to her that taking care of Kylo Ren had always been a task that would fall to her. How could it not? However much her heart longed to avoid that confrontation, she knew now she could not escape her destiny.

Rey could feel the general’s eyes on her, but she refused to meet them. How she would deal with Kylo Ren and what exactly that meant hung between the two women in a tense moment broken only by the soft sound of their breathing. 

Suddenly Leia turned her back and strode off into the shadows. Poe called after her, but she didn’t even pause. Her quick strides took her toward the hangar and then her form was swallowed up in darkness.

Rey stared after her, a horrible sinking feeling consuming her body. Finn reached a hand toward her. Before they could say anything to her, she too turned and stalked away.

She didn’t even hear their calls to come back. Her mind was racing away faster than her feet could carry her towards the Jedi manuscripts she had ignored until now, the broken pieces of her lightsaber, and the temple in the woods.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have time to do all the links I'd like to for this chapter, but just know that I made the planet Ranuah up for my own purposes, but the other planets mentioned are "real." Also the First Order shuttles they wanted to steal are a half-invention of mine. The AAL-1971 I believe is the shuttle that appears in the first scene of TFA. It carries up to 20 stormtroopers and since I need a much bigger one for my story, I put another "L" in front to stand for "Large AAL" and bingo -- shuttles big enough for my stormtrooper raid. :)
> 
> Not sure when the next chapter will be ready. I do have quite a lot written for the next 5 or so chapters, but I need time to edit. Hoping to get back into some sort of regular schedule, but we'll see how life goes. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Love to hear any comments below! :)


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